When God Shows Off: Our Pregnancy Story

So you may have heard the news.  I’m pregnant!  Glory to God! 

Can I be honest?  We were NOT expecting this.  I know that sounds odd considering Michael and I have asked God for a child for over 4 years, and I have been working with a woman on my fertility through a holistic approach for just over a year but LET ME EXPLAIN. :)  

In the fall of 2013 God began to really open my heart to adoption.  Michael has been open to it for years and has really wanted to pursue it over the past year or two.  It wasn’t until this fall though that my heart really began to open up to the idea.  So we began talking about it more together.  We even sat down with an agency and talked with an adoption counselor about the process of adoption.  We had decided to start the process the first of the year after we got through the holidays.  We were on our way.  So we thought.  

Because only ten short days before 2014 began on December 21^st I discovered I was pregnant (Michael didn’t believe me, he made me take two tests and read the instructions to him J).  So it seems like God had other plans for us!  I have no doubt though He was working on my heart to open it up to adoption and we trust He knows exactly what He is doing. 

I lost my first pregnancy early on in the summer of 2011 as some of you know.  So as you can imagine we’ve had some mixed emotions at times, ranging from shock and delight, to fear and doubt.  Early on after we found out I remember having a deep sense of peace, but then I let those fears creep in.  You know, the ones about losing the pregnancy again and doubting this was actually happening.  I went to Jesus with my fears and He helped me work them out and has restored my peace.  I am so stinking glad I have a Savior who is so gracious, loving and has pulled me out of so many pits in my life.  I have no doubt He will pull me out of this potential pit of fear in the weeks and months to come.  Because I’m sure the waves of fear will come and go, but because He walks with me, I don’t have to live and stay and dwell in those places of fear.  That’s a terrible place to live and my hope in Christ is to enjoy this pregnancy and rejoice in what God has done.  Regardless of what happens, I believe my God is good in all His ways.  I’ve been through too much with the Lord over these past few years not to believe in His goodness and grace.  That’s partly why Michael and I told people before the first trimester was over.  Risky?  Perhaps.  Yet, we know God was saying, be vulnerable.  Because we’ve been vulnerable there have been so many prayers for our precious baby and for ourselves and trust me we have felt the prayers of God’s people and what a blessing it has been.

I know this may sound odd too, but I really believe God used my mission trip to India in me being able to conceive.  I wrote earlier that I believe God did some type of healing work in me during that trip and now I am convinced all the more that He did.  It was only a week after I returned home from India that I became pregnant.  Friends, that is the Lord!  Especially considering what a mess I was before I left for the trip.   But I came home feeling the best I’ve felt in a very long time, of course, I then began feeling tired again, but now I know why.  I was pregnant, and I just didn’t know it yet.  J

We appreciate your prayers, but would you do my heart a great delight and just take a moment to praise God with us.  This was an act of His grace and we are so humbled by it! 

Mother's Day: The Joy and Pain of This Day

Let me say first and foremost that I think Mother’s Day is an amazing day.  I love my mom, and I love the other women in my life who have helped shape and form me in some way.  Mother’s rock and we should celebrate them.  J

I wanted to say that first because I don’t want to rain on Mother’s Day that is not my intent.  Yet, I also know that Mother’s day can be a painful day for some.  I call it a trigger day for myself.  It is a day where I am reminded of my miscarriage and my sweet babies who are with Jesus, (that word I cringe at) the infertility, my health issues, of what I don’t have, but what my heart has ached for.  Maybe you’ve felt that ache before too; whether it is for a child, a spouse, a mom, or ________ (fill in the blank). 

So what do we do with days like these; days where we wonder, when will our time come, will it come?  Well, I think we have to allow our feelings to really come for what they are.   It is okay to admit it’s hard.  At times I wish it wasn’t.  I wish I could get through this day and it wouldn’t affect me, thanks be to God, I don't feel the same magnitude of pain, but it still sneaks up on me. 

After we acknowledged our feelings, it’s imperative we surrender them to the Lord Jesus Christ.  Often times our pain can make us do unhealthy things, like eat lots of candy, take matters into our own hands, or treat the people we love like junk.  So instead of reaching for something or someone to ease your pain, how about we try giving it to Jesus.  It’s really a continual surrender, but He can handle it.  That’s the beauty of Jesus; He longs to lift our burdens from us.   

Its days like these where I am reminded of what it means to have faith in God and His goodness and what it means to really worship Him.  His goodness is not determined by my hopes being met.  No, His goodness is determined by this:  “But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved),” Eph. 2:4-5

God longs to give us good things in life.  He does.  Yet, for the sake of His glory sometimes we have to wait or trust Him for an even better plan, but we wait not without hope but as people great hope.  “I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, And in His word do I hope.” Ps. 130:5  Is He good?  You better believe it.  Is He worthy?  Absolutely.  Will I worship Him?  Forever. 

Acknowledge. Surrender. Worship.

Gracious Lord, we thank you so much for mothers.  We ask for you to bless them for their amazing sacrifice.  Bless the women Lord who long to be mothers but can’t, bless those who are waiting to adopt, and those who don’t have a mom; may the power of the Holy Spirit grant us comfort and wholeness in Christ as we surrender our pain to Your Son Jesus.  He can handle it.  Jesus, make us whole in You, not in our hopes and dreams.  Father, we believe in Your goodness and we thank You for the grace You have given us in Christ.  Let it be to Your glory! Amen.

The Glory of Our Gracious God

I have wanted to write a blog like this for a while, but it wasn’t until I read a friend of mine’s blog this past week that I was greatly moved in my heart.  My friend actually lost his wife to a very short battle with brain cancer just over a year ago and his blog inspired me and challenged me in my own faith (you should read it).  No really, go read it.  I, myself, was hit with the question, am I really living in a way that says I trust God, believing He is sovereign, knowing His plans are best, and that my pain is an opportunity for God’s glory to be seen?  You see, I do believe that my pain is for a purpose, but I want to believe it even more, with greater faith and obedience.  I want to expect God’s glory. I want to want what God wants and not what Andrea wants. 

Over this past year the grace of God in my life has been absolutely amazing, I have so much to be thankful for.  Yes, I have had a lot of health problems and are still dealing with some.  I have come to realize though that if the Lord saw it fit for me to be restored to even better health then I would be, but something bigger is at stake, something beyond me; it is the glory of God.  So this year, I have decided that my aim will be the glory of God; the glory of God in each and every circumstance of my life.  That my constant prayer would be, Father, show me your glory through my own health struggles, and display Your glory through me so I might be a testimony of your love, grace, and faithfulness.  And even when I don’t see it grant me the faith to keep moving forward rejoicing in You.

The beautiful thing is when I take the time to reflect I can see the hand of God all throughout this past year.  I have seen the glory of the Lord at work and I think it is time to give God the praise He is due.  So here are a few things God has done over this past year (in no particular order):

1.       My heart is beating.

2.      My heart is beating.

3.      Did I mention my heart is beating?  Glory to God!  When I stop and ponder the depths of this reality I can do nothing but say, thank You Jesus!  Thank You Father for granting someone the knowledge to invent a pacemaker.  I am no longer dizzy, short of breathe, or experiencing palpitations.  Father, let it be to Your glory!

4.      My blood pressure reached over 100 just over a week ago.  It has been in the 80’s 90’s for probably a year.  This is a wonderful gift of grace!

5.      My husband is a gift of God’s grace, and he has been such a supportive rock for me during this time.  He is a gift of God’s grace to me.

6.      I had to quit my job over the summer because of my health.  God has provided for Michael and me in monetary ways we never could have expected.  Indeed, our Father takes care of His children!

7.      I found out my adrenal and thyroid glands are not working properly, which is why I am still tired and easily worn out.  I am seeing a holistic specialist and have seen improvements in my health.  Glory to God!

8.     I have truly come to the end of myself in different ways.  God has shown me my sin, my brokenness, and my areas I needed to surrender to Him.  This has been a freeing, empowering, humbling, amazingly good experience!  I believe my faith is becoming even more real, it’s growing roots. Glory to God! 

9.      In ministering to others I have found I am better able to sympathize and walk alongside of people in their own struggle because of my own experience.  This is a gift!

Yes, I have seen His glory at work and I am ready to watch it continue to unfold in my journey towards health—physical and spiritual.  All of these things listed above are all things to praise God about.  They are here to ignite my faith, and hopefully yours as we continue on in this New Year.  Yes, our God is faithful and true!  He can be trusted.  He is always at work in the lives of His children and it is always for His glory and our good.   He is worthy of our ceaseless praise.

My prayer is to be a woman of ceaseless praise; a woman that speaks words of faith, and desires God’s glory over her own comfort or will.  I’m here, in this season, for a reason beyond myself and I think that’s pretty awesome. 

Ps. 103:1-5

Praise the Lord, O my soul;

all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

Praise the Lord, O my soul,

and forget not all his benefits—

who forgives all your sins

and heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life from the pit

and crowns you with love and compassion,

who satisfies your desires with good things

so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

As you look back on this past year, what can you praise God for?  What is your hope for the New Year?