Unmet Desires: What About You?

I hope you were as blessed as I was by the guest post series on Unmet Desires.  I was challenged by Stephanie’s words, “the old desires will undoubtedly be replaced with new, more complicated struggles” and Heather’s, “I was set on finding my hope and joy in Jesus Christ alone.”  How easily we forget that there will always be unmet desires throughout our lives and how important it is to wholeheartedly set our selves on finding our hope and joy in Christ.  Cassidy’s words also challenged me to praise God even for the painful times when she wrote, “I lift my hands in praise to Him as never before, and thank Him for this pain.”  Whoa, easier said than done sometimes!  Yet, it brings deep freedom as we let go of the bitterness and unanswered questions, choosing now instead to praise!  Becky’s words reminded me of the importance of perspective when speaking about her unmet desire, “He has the best perspective on how they’re going to be fulfilled.”  We often think God should do it one way and when it doesn’t turn out that way we become confused, but when we reflect as Becky did, we see that God knew exactly what He was doing all along.  Emmi’s beautiful words touched me deep within when she wrote, “There is nothing on this earth to compare to His intimacy. He has used this unfulfilled dream as an open door for a richer relationship with Himself that is so unbelievably satisfying my words can’t describe it.”  God desires for us to find our ultimate satisfaction in Him alone, so often He will allow us to be without something so we learn to feast on Him and nothing else for our satisfaction.  When we come to this place, we find He is more than enough for our unmet desires; He’s what we were after all along.

What’s your unmet desire?  I know I have had them, have them, and will continue to have them throughout my life.  These women found hope and deep satisfaction in Jesus Christ.  Our unmet desires are opportunities to seek the face of God, to walk more intimately with Jesus, and to be more dependent upon the Holy Spirit which brings us to the place where our hearts can say—Jesus you are more than enough for me, even if I never have____________. 

A Longing Fulfilled

     Today I had a conversation with a two and a five year old about half birthdays. It was in counting out theirs that I realized I was already a month past mine. I am a single woman, with no children (save for the two and five year olds of whom I am nanny to Monday through Friday), and in just five short months I will be celebrating my actual birthday. 30.

     If you had asked me when I was a teenager or even into my early twenties if I thought I’d still be single at 30, I would have said I hoped not! Like most young ladies, I constructed this imaginary timeline in my mind appointing the proper ages at which I should be married by and when I ought to begin to have children. The funny thing about life, though, is that things don’t always, or rarely ever, work out the way you imagined them to! “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.”

     No, I would not have imagined I would still be unmarried, but I also would never have imagined finding myself thanking God that I am still unmarried. Don’t get me wrong, I deeply desire to have a husband and to be a wife. I have even made many poor and sinful choices in effort to attain it because I wanted it so badly. But sometimes when I am in quiet thought, my mind wanders back to these heartbreaking and painful experiences, and I am overwhelmed at the faithfulness of my Lord and Savior. His patience as my thirsty heart wandered from one mirage to the next and the way He has stayed with me through it all is baffling to my human heart and mind. It’s bewildering why He would wait for my rebellious, harlot heart to return to His, taking me, dirt-stained, thorn-torn with tangled hair from running in the wilderness, back into His arms. Yet He has. Every time. It is here in the disparity between my desperation and His perfect love that I can find a “thank You.”

     I believe God put this longing for a husband in my heart, and this longing takes me to a deeper place than I could ever access on my own. From this soul-deep place there bellows a cry which can only be heard by One. It is an echoing heavy sigh which is only communicated between my God and me. So when I come before Him, He puts His soothing hand right over this place- the place where longing brings me to my knees. This unmet desire draws me closer to Himself. For this I thank Him. There is nothing on this earth to compare to His intimacy. He has used this unfulfilled dream as an open door for a richer relationship with Himself that is so unbelievably satisfying my words can’t describe it. This place is His presence. In His presence I more clearly see that this deep longing in my heart is actually a desire for the very One who gave me this heart. His presence satisfies. His presence makes me whole. In His presence there is fullness of joy. In light of such a Lover, trust and faith grows in the waiting. In the waiting there springs forth beauty and peace in surrender- my will, my desires, my hopes.. all of me. The surrender is worship. And worship is what we’re made for. “Thank You!” I’m thankful for a God who loves me so perfectly that He planned all this time and space for just me and Him. In this time and space He is giving me Himself. I find deeper recognition of who He is in these moments, and in knowing Him more, I know who I am in Him.

     Though my naturally wild heart is prone to wander, time after time He’s there. He stays, not rebuking me, but wooing me. Gently, lovingly, beautifully He wins my heart over and over. He knows my desires cannot be fully satisfied by anyone other than Himself. He knows He is the answer to the deepest desire in the wild heart of His girl. His girl. His. And now after “I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er,” I know He is mine. I am His and He is mine. This desire is beyond me.. As Jesus walks me into eternity with Him, so He wraps this desire up in the softest blanket of forever. There it is kept. Here I am kept. So when this heart of mine faints at the shadows of what it desires before arriving at the real thing, when in the desert I am tempted to give in to my craving, I will drink of the goodness of heavenly springs, and the burning thirst is cooled and quenched once again by His living waters.

“You do not want to leave, too, do you?”

Lord, to whom shall I go? Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire more than You. First Love, onward into glory. To the very end.

Author- Emmilou Harlan 

I am a free-lance photographer, graduated from Northern Illinois University, whose favorite subject is the rural Midwest in which I grew up. Here is where I have come to know Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, and here is where He has been growing and teaching me. www.emmilouharlan.com

An Unmet Desire

I wish I could write a more uplifting blog on the 4^th of July but I guess that’s just not the reality of my heart right now.  I think people appreciate honesty and authenticity when it comes to life.  I don’t share these things because I want your pity, but because we can learn and grow from each other’s experiences.  My hope is that through my story, you would experience the reality of and grace of the Lord Jesus Christ.  So I’m not ashamed to admit that today has been a day where I’ve needed an extra measure of His grace.  Why?  Well, today was the day last year I had my miscarriage. 

 It’s hard to believe it’s been a year.  It’s gone by so very fast.  Today I am reminded, not only, of the grief I felt a year ago, but also of the unmet desire I have in my heart to have a child.  Has God healed my heart over this year?  Yes, He has and I thank Him for that.  The longing, though, is still there.   But the longing can and I think is being directed in a healthier way.  I am hoping and praying for a renewed perspective, a heart of deeper trust. 

Here’s what I’m learning though and maybe you can learn with me.   Our desires for good things, like babies, spouses, good health, a job you enjoy, etc. are not wrong to have.   It’s what we do with or who we go to with our unmet desires.  I was doing some thinking today about how often we go to certain things to either alleviate, medicate or bury an unmet desire.  It could be food.  People.  Hobbies.  Dreams.  And I as pondered the things I look too at times I realized what a vain pursuit they are; at least vain in my pursuit of happiness and wholeness (I didn’t even mean that as a 4^th July pun, but take it as such if you’d like).  Sure they can be good things and can even make ourselves feel better for a time but none of them can heal our hearts.  None of them can truly satisfy.  Can I just say that today that was very hard for me to admit, that having a child will not satisfy me, only Christ will.   It was hard because in admitting that it means I also have to admit I may never get the things I long for and that would be okay because I have Jesus.  I have prayed for God to make my heart completely His, to be made whole and satisfied only in Him.  I think He is and let me tell you, it’s not easy, it’s hard.  Letting go never is.  I know I write about this desire a lot, but it's a process for me, a continual surrender. 

I was doing my devotions this morning and I read this by Oswald Chambers in his book My Upmost for His Highest:  “Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him” (Ps. 37:7) until our own little world is turn upside down and we are forced to live in confusion and agony like so many other people.  Is it possible to “rest in the Lord” then?...Resting in the Lord is not depended on your external circumstances at all, but on your relationship with God Himself.” 

God is good, regardless of my unmet desire.  My circumstances do not determine His goodness.  Jesus is found more fully in the places of surrender, and it is here that we experience His rest and goodness. I am on a journey right now, a journey of growing in faith and of learning how to rest in the Lord (I am so bad at resting, if you’ve figured it out will you let me know).  I know this season will come to a close, and by the grace of God, I will look back on it and rejoice over all God has done in my heart and life.  But in the meantime I also want to rejoice and be glad because Christ is working right now.  As this season closes another one will open.  Lord Jesus, come what may. 

I wonder what your heart desires?   

Maybe you could say this with me:  Lord Jesus, really and truly, be my only desire.  I know you’ll heal my heart along the way. 

Food: It's a Love Hate Relationship

So the other day I was talking with a good friend about some of the things I have been learning during the Daniel Fast.  One of the things I am learning is about how I use food.    Michael and I tend to eat pretty healthy but as I reflect upon my own habits I began to realize how often I do look to food, whether it be a slice of pizza or a piece of chocolate to give me some sense of joy or happiness. 

I had kind of a stressful day today and I found myself really wanting a piece of chocolate.  Not because I was hungry, but because I wanted something to make me feel better.  I shared this with Michael and I remember praying and thinking to myself, I don’t need it; that’s a lie.  Yes, it is a lie; food will let us down every time. 

I do not think I am alone on this.  How often do we find ourselves having a bad day, and to give ourselves a short spike of satisfaction or to relax we eat something?  Think about it for a moment.  Food has been one of those things in my life that has been what I’d call a love hate relationship.  I love it and I hate it all at the same time.  Food is a good thing, ice cream is delicious but when we start going to it to be filled emotionally, it then becomes a vice, a sin, a tool of deception.  Once again, I don’t think I’m alone on this either, especially as women, food seems to be a bit of a vice for us, does it not? 

But on my Daniel Fast I not been able to have ice cream or make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (which I love you mind you!).  I never realized just how often I did go to little snacks to offer me something.  In depriving myself of these things I have learned a couple of things.  One is that I surprisingly don’t really miss them.  Which leads to the second thing I’ve learned; I now see how food has become this thing I used to give me something.  You know what though; it has let me down a lot and it always will.  It will never completely satisfy me and even if it does it won’t last.   

The words of Jesus tell us in Matt. 6:35

“Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.”

This is a promise my friends, a promise that will not fail nor will it disappoint.  So the next time you  have a bad day at work, an argument with your spouse, or a rough day with your kids, take a step back before you reach for food.  Ask God for grace and for His Love to nourish whatever emotion you may be feeling.  Food doesn’t have to rule over us anymore.  We can choose life and wholeness in Christ.  

Satisfaction

Ps. 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

So I have been doing some reflecting lately on what it means to be truly satisfied in Christ. 

Sometimes I think we look at Ps. 37:4 and think it means when we come to God He will give us the things we want (money, children, a better house/job/body).  I think this is the wrong view to take on this verse.  I believe God wants us to find our delight solely in Him and Him alone.  When we find our delight in Christ and not in our accomplishments, material possessions, or externals, but in the precious love of Jesus Christ our hearts will be at peace.  This is where true delight in life is found.  So when I look at this verse, to me what it is saying is…When we are fully satisfied in the Lord, finding our delight in Him and through being in Him, God will give us the desires of our hearts BECAUSE our desire will be for Him only. 

Now, I’m not saying we won’t have desires or wants in life even when we are fully satisfied in Christ, but now our desires will be in proper perspective.  Let’s not forget the verse before and after this verse in Ps. 37. 

Ps. 37:3-5

3Trust in the Lord and do good;

dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

4 Delight yourself in the Lord

and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the Lord;

trust in him and he will do this:

Trust, Delight, Commit.  When we TRUST Christ, we know that whatever happens to us in life that God is good and He is in control, we don’t have to have everything go the way we want because we trust God with the good and the bad.  When we COMMIT our way to the Lord, we act on our faith, believing He will give us what we need. 

Yes, I want certain things in life.  I want to have a child, I want to be a mother, I want to have extra money in my bank account, I want to go on vacation in Europe, I want to run again someday, etc..  But at the end of the day if these things never happen, I will still praise Him, I will still love Him because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that nothing will satisfy.  My life is in His hands.  I have committed my way to the Lord, because I choose to put my trust in His Word, and I have no doubt that He will grant me the desire of my heart, which is to be fully delighted in Jesus Christ.