Running Away: It's Time to Come Home

"Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay" Hab. 2:3

Was there ever a time in your childhood when you felt like running away?  Perhaps you almost did; you got the letter ready, packed a PB n J, and your favorite toy to discover you were too afraid to do it?  You knew it wasn’t a good idea, you’d be leaving a place of shelter, a family who loved you, and what would you eat tomorrow? 

As I reflect upon my life and the most difficult season of life to date which began towards the end of 2010, there have been many times where I felt like running away.  Why?  Because life didn’t go like I wanted it to nor expected it to go.  It was so much harder than I expected.  It seemed like every time I’d get somewhere or do something I’d have a setback or two follow me.  I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted.  It’s like God was taking me on a journey where I’d long to do things but for the life of me, I could not make them happen.  Have you ever been there?  In a place where it feels like things just are not going right?  As I reflect on this season of my life, I know all along God was trying to get my attention and bring me to a place of deeper trust and rest, to empty me of my own self-sufficiency, plans, and independence.  I was learning what it means to really praise God for His love, and not how He lives up to my expectations.  Wow, that sounds selfish, doesn’t it?

On this journey I have felt useless, embarrassed, defeated, out of control, weak, frustrated, fed-up, tired, and just plain done.  I wonder if anyone else ever has?  Yep, that’s called the stripping process.  It’s not easy, in fact, it’s very painful, but it is the redemption my sinful heart needs.  I’m so glad that the Lord disciplines those He loves, that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us, that God always leads us in triumphal processions in Christ, that it is God who works in me to will and act according to His good purpose, and that the God of all grace, after you have suffered a little while will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast (Heb. 12:6, Rom. 8:18, 2 Cor. 2:14, Phil. 2:13, 1 Peter 5:10). 

Sometimes God gives us more than we can handle.  He does.  Whoever told you He doesn’t, lied.  Trust me, there have been days where it has been too much for me.  You see, it’s about God bringing us to a place where we say, I get it, I can’t do it on my own, and I need You.  I just need You.  What is it about the Lord my friends, He really is that Rock that will never fail us, a constant help in times of trouble.  He stands up to His Word Beloved!  He is more than enough for us.  I never realized how sinful, so full of pride and selfishness I was before God took me on my journey to brokenness.  I’m so glad He did, because now we can get rid of that and get more of Jesus.  Hallelujah! 

I love Jesus and I CANNOT live without Him.  I’ll fall to pieces.  I can live without my sin--my pleasures, my comforts; my plans BUT I CANNOT live without Jesus.  What about you?  Are you falling to pieces?  Let God put you back together.  Have you run away from God or your responsibilities?  It could be an emotional abandonment.  We don’t physically have to leave something to have actually left it.  Come back to the Father like the prodigal son to find grace, healing, and forgiveness.  God may ask you or He may just take your comforts from you.  Give it to Him, I have a feeling it’s much easier than it being stripped from you.  It’s not worth holding on to.  It won’t bring your heart freedom, but the Lord Jesus can and does.  So why not come home to the Father?   

We serve a God of redemptive grace my friends, even in the midst of life’s most terrible, frustrating storms He gives us glimpses of His grace.  As I reflect further on this season I have also seen the hand of God move to protect me, sustain me, and grant me grace after grace.  Even more recently, I have seen the hand of God move graciously on my behalf to bring restoration to my body with my recent pregnancy and blood pressure that is finally back to normal.  I’m still praying for more restoration, but in the meantime, I’m learning to rest in my Father who sees and is more than enough for me!    

Hope and Healing

For this post I would like to take some time to rejoice in all God has done and is doing in my own life.  I hope you might rejoice with me! 

If I was going to be honest with you all today, I would admit that this has been a difficult year and a half, with my miscarriage, my heart problems, and some intense spiritual warfare Michael and I endured.   But I do not want the focus to be on my pain, but instead on God and what He has done and is doing.  As I reflect on all I’ve been through, I know that God has had a plan throughout it all.  My hope is that I have been changed, and I truly believe I have.  I believe all these things have shaped me in one way or another, to the glory and credit of God.  Throughout all of it I know I have drawn closer to the Word of God like never before and I hope to fall deeper and deeper in love with the Word.  Because the Word of God really does change us, it frees us, it leads us to wholeness and so much more.  

I rejoice friends because Jesus Christ has been with me throughout each step of this journey.  I have sensed His presence, I have felt His nudging, and the gentleness of His voice has spoken directly to me in my need.   I do not know where I would be without Him.  At times I’ve wondered what my life would be without Jesus Christ, and friends, I cannot even fathom life with Christ.  He is my life.   But I want Him to be more and more of my life.  I desire for Him to take all of my life.  We’ve still got some things to work on in that area, but thanks be to God for His patience with me. 

Yes, God has been with me through this year.  Never has He left me, never has He forsaken me.   And now, after months and months of health ups and downs I sit here today physically, spiritually and emotionally healed in many ways.  I rejoice because I feel like I have my life back! Glory to God!   Now I desire for all of my energies to be spent on the mission God has for me in this life.  Father, help me, I pray.    

The other night I was reading from Luke 4:38-44 and the story of Jesus healing Simon’s mother-in-law from her high fever.  After Jesus rebukes her fever the scriptures tell us “She got up at once and began to wait on them.” (v. 39b).  Yes!  Yes, it’s time for me to get up and serve Christ!  Sure I was down for a while, but in Jesus’ Name I will, I am, and I will continue get up at once!  I don’t want to live in the past, but move on at once and serve my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  I’m excited to get up, to serve, and to work wholeheartedly for the mission God has for me.  Father thank You for all You’ve so graciously done for me!

M.I.P: Mess in Progress

5-3-12

"I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh." Ez. 11:19

In my last post I talked about having a new heart and referenced this verse at the end.  Well, I have been doing some more reflecting on this verse in Ezekiel over the past week.  I sometimes refer to myself as an M.I.P:  Mess In Progress.  I think we all have something we have to work through.  God is always revealing layer after layer to me when it comes to my own sin and brokenness.  In His gracious love He reveals to me the places where my heart is divided and hardened by sin.  When He reveals it my responsibility is to acknowledge it for what it is , repent, and trust it into the hands of Christ.  Once we get through one issue we move to another. It’s a lifelong process of God doing this work of redemption in our hearts.  It’s really a humbling experience too, but a great one because it is where freedom lies as we learn to submit every part of ourselves to the Father. 

Yep, I’m a mess but thanks be to God I’m a M.I.P.!  It’s not a self-defeating, depressing place to be; no it’s a good place to be because in working through the mess we meet Jesus.  He really can restore our hearts.  He really can make us and our loved ones truly whole, happy, and free.  Friends, I’ve realized in life there is no point in running from or hiding our weaknesses and insufficiencies. There is absolutely NO shame in being real.  Because when we do this, when we hide, we stay in the darkness. We cannot just cover up things and think they’ll disappear.  It is when we come out into the light, when we are real and authentic, that something redemptive happens.  The light of Jesus Christ breaks through our darkness and our despair becomes hope, our strongholds begin to crumble and the chains start to fall.  God is just waiting for us to come to Him; to be real, honest and open about the sins and junk we have in our lives.  We’ve all got them, the addictive compulsive habits, the jealousy, lust, unforgiveness, bitterness, pride, etc..  But for the grace of God we would all be a mess.  It’s time to be real, it’s time to look at our own selves and stop looking at others.  Take a look at your own heart, it’s okay, it really is okay to admit the ways you’ve wronged God and your neighbor. 

The beauty of Jesus Christ is that He longs to walk beside us in this journey through life.  He really can take our hearts of stone turn them into undivided hearts of flesh, where the power of His loves nourishes and directs our lives.  It is then that the healing will fall like a flood in our personal lives, in our families, in our churches, communities, and Lord willing all around this world.   Because when we start getting free and living in the fullness of God in Christ, people we really want what we have.  I haven't gotten it all figured out, and I know I never will until I met Jesus face to face, but we're moving forward in Jesus' Name.  I’m an M.I.P. and proud of it.  What about you? J