Sitting at His Feet

“Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:42

I have had a lot of time lately to just sit.  This is time that I would not normally have, but I’ve been given a gift; the gift of time.  Do you know what I’ve discovered in the quiet?  I need Him.  I need Him desperately. We all do.

I believe we all need time to get away, to be alone, and to work out some things with the Lord.  If nothing else, just to sit at His feet and be lavished by His Love!  To be nourished by His Word and Spirit.  To do the very things are souls were created to do, to worship Him.  We are foolish to think our souls don’t get a little messy at times.  In fact, the more I realize my need for Jesus, the more I see my own depravity and propensity towards sin.  It’s a beautiful thing really.  Jesus continues to show me the places in my heart that need some work; the lack of love, the selfishness, the pride, etc.  You’re probably wondering how this can be beautiful.  It’s beautiful because it is here that redemption and restoration begins as we realize just how frail we are. We finally step aside, and Jesus takes His place and Jesus is more than welcome to be our all-sufficient Savior!  We cannot do it alone.  It’s time to lose ourselves completely to Jesus Christ.  Are you ready to be lost so you can be found?  I am.  And I’m not talking about salvation here, though I could be, but I’m talking about a lifelong journey of losing ourselves to the Lover of our souls.  As God reveals each piece, we surrender, so that He can put the puzzle pieces together to make a beautiful mosaic.  That beautiful mosaic is who you are in Christ.   

Stop.  Did you hear me…I said stopJ.  Slow down.  Sit at His feet. Take time.  Be alone.  Be changed. 

Lord Jesus, You alone are our all-sufficient Savior.  Take our feeble efforts to follow You and grant us the strength and courage to soar on wings like eagles.  Fill our hearts with eternal praises; for You have surrounded us with songs of deliverance!  Jesus, we surrender…all.  Be glorified in us.  Amen.   

M.I.P: Mess in Progress

5-3-12

"I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh." Ez. 11:19

In my last post I talked about having a new heart and referenced this verse at the end.  Well, I have been doing some more reflecting on this verse in Ezekiel over the past week.  I sometimes refer to myself as an M.I.P:  Mess In Progress.  I think we all have something we have to work through.  God is always revealing layer after layer to me when it comes to my own sin and brokenness.  In His gracious love He reveals to me the places where my heart is divided and hardened by sin.  When He reveals it my responsibility is to acknowledge it for what it is , repent, and trust it into the hands of Christ.  Once we get through one issue we move to another. It’s a lifelong process of God doing this work of redemption in our hearts.  It’s really a humbling experience too, but a great one because it is where freedom lies as we learn to submit every part of ourselves to the Father. 

Yep, I’m a mess but thanks be to God I’m a M.I.P.!  It’s not a self-defeating, depressing place to be; no it’s a good place to be because in working through the mess we meet Jesus.  He really can restore our hearts.  He really can make us and our loved ones truly whole, happy, and free.  Friends, I’ve realized in life there is no point in running from or hiding our weaknesses and insufficiencies. There is absolutely NO shame in being real.  Because when we do this, when we hide, we stay in the darkness. We cannot just cover up things and think they’ll disappear.  It is when we come out into the light, when we are real and authentic, that something redemptive happens.  The light of Jesus Christ breaks through our darkness and our despair becomes hope, our strongholds begin to crumble and the chains start to fall.  God is just waiting for us to come to Him; to be real, honest and open about the sins and junk we have in our lives.  We’ve all got them, the addictive compulsive habits, the jealousy, lust, unforgiveness, bitterness, pride, etc..  But for the grace of God we would all be a mess.  It’s time to be real, it’s time to look at our own selves and stop looking at others.  Take a look at your own heart, it’s okay, it really is okay to admit the ways you’ve wronged God and your neighbor. 

The beauty of Jesus Christ is that He longs to walk beside us in this journey through life.  He really can take our hearts of stone turn them into undivided hearts of flesh, where the power of His loves nourishes and directs our lives.  It is then that the healing will fall like a flood in our personal lives, in our families, in our churches, communities, and Lord willing all around this world.   Because when we start getting free and living in the fullness of God in Christ, people we really want what we have.  I haven't gotten it all figured out, and I know I never will until I met Jesus face to face, but we're moving forward in Jesus' Name.  I’m an M.I.P. and proud of it.  What about you? J

Our Desire to Have a Child

2/26/12

So that old ache came back.  I have not had it for a while.  If you have ever longed for a child, (or anything for that matter) you know what I am talking about.  

Now, what I am about to write I have not shared with many people, but maybe you will be blessed today by our struggle with infertility.  Wow, that was really hard for me to write; in writing it I felt a ting of shame.  Maybe because it’s so personal, maybe it’s because I feel like an outsider in some ways, or maybe it’s because I actually had to acknowledge it for what it is.  Whatever the reason for it, there it is.  In August it will be three years, three years of longing mixed with heartache.  I know in retrospect three years really isn’t that long, but at times it sure feels much longer.

Ever since I had my miscarriage in July, I have still always wanted a child, but that ache for a child hasn’t really been there like it had for the almost two years prior.  Maybe this was because I was on a journey towards healing from the grief I was experiencing.  So now that I am through that process the old ache has returned; you know, that feeling of longing and hurt deep inside? 

After talking with the Lord about it, I know I am okay.  I am okay because of the grace of God in my life.  I am okay because I know God has a plan for me, Michael, and our future child.  In fact, I believe we will be blessed with a child, but even if we aren’t, I know He is good. 

Do I wish we found out we were pregnant tomorrow, yes I do, but I can’t put my hope in what I wish for.  I must put it in the promise that God does have a plan and it is what is best for us.  But what does it mean to wait with hope? I read this this evening as I am sitting here thinking about the possibility of having to wait 6 months, two years, or even longer for a child. 

“I am still confident of this:  I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” Ps. 27:13-14

Though my heart aches at times, I know deep inside God has a plan.  So I do have hope my confidence is in Him, His goodness, and His timing.  I will still praise Him regardless of what happens in our life, because I know He is and wants what is best for us.    

Maybe you know what I’m specifically talking about today.  Maybe your heart is longing for a child, but the struggle continues.  Jesus can and longs to hold you in your grief and longing.  It’s a beautiful thing really, hard to describe at times, but it’s a peace, a knowing, an understanding that your life is safe in His hands.  If you would trust your life to Him, He really will satisfy you.  Being a mother and having a child is a wonderful gift from God, but it will not give us ultimate satisfaction and wholeness.  That responsibility belongs to and can only be found in Jesus. 

So in the meantime I will wait, but not as one without hope, but as a woman with hope knowing that Christ is near to me in my longing and loves me all the same.