Running Away: It's Time to Come Home

"Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay" Hab. 2:3

Was there ever a time in your childhood when you felt like running away?  Perhaps you almost did; you got the letter ready, packed a PB n J, and your favorite toy to discover you were too afraid to do it?  You knew it wasn’t a good idea, you’d be leaving a place of shelter, a family who loved you, and what would you eat tomorrow? 

As I reflect upon my life and the most difficult season of life to date which began towards the end of 2010, there have been many times where I felt like running away.  Why?  Because life didn’t go like I wanted it to nor expected it to go.  It was so much harder than I expected.  It seemed like every time I’d get somewhere or do something I’d have a setback or two follow me.  I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted.  It’s like God was taking me on a journey where I’d long to do things but for the life of me, I could not make them happen.  Have you ever been there?  In a place where it feels like things just are not going right?  As I reflect on this season of my life, I know all along God was trying to get my attention and bring me to a place of deeper trust and rest, to empty me of my own self-sufficiency, plans, and independence.  I was learning what it means to really praise God for His love, and not how He lives up to my expectations.  Wow, that sounds selfish, doesn’t it?

On this journey I have felt useless, embarrassed, defeated, out of control, weak, frustrated, fed-up, tired, and just plain done.  I wonder if anyone else ever has?  Yep, that’s called the stripping process.  It’s not easy, in fact, it’s very painful, but it is the redemption my sinful heart needs.  I’m so glad that the Lord disciplines those He loves, that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us, that God always leads us in triumphal processions in Christ, that it is God who works in me to will and act according to His good purpose, and that the God of all grace, after you have suffered a little while will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast (Heb. 12:6, Rom. 8:18, 2 Cor. 2:14, Phil. 2:13, 1 Peter 5:10). 

Sometimes God gives us more than we can handle.  He does.  Whoever told you He doesn’t, lied.  Trust me, there have been days where it has been too much for me.  You see, it’s about God bringing us to a place where we say, I get it, I can’t do it on my own, and I need You.  I just need You.  What is it about the Lord my friends, He really is that Rock that will never fail us, a constant help in times of trouble.  He stands up to His Word Beloved!  He is more than enough for us.  I never realized how sinful, so full of pride and selfishness I was before God took me on my journey to brokenness.  I’m so glad He did, because now we can get rid of that and get more of Jesus.  Hallelujah! 

I love Jesus and I CANNOT live without Him.  I’ll fall to pieces.  I can live without my sin--my pleasures, my comforts; my plans BUT I CANNOT live without Jesus.  What about you?  Are you falling to pieces?  Let God put you back together.  Have you run away from God or your responsibilities?  It could be an emotional abandonment.  We don’t physically have to leave something to have actually left it.  Come back to the Father like the prodigal son to find grace, healing, and forgiveness.  God may ask you or He may just take your comforts from you.  Give it to Him, I have a feeling it’s much easier than it being stripped from you.  It’s not worth holding on to.  It won’t bring your heart freedom, but the Lord Jesus can and does.  So why not come home to the Father?   

We serve a God of redemptive grace my friends, even in the midst of life’s most terrible, frustrating storms He gives us glimpses of His grace.  As I reflect further on this season I have also seen the hand of God move to protect me, sustain me, and grant me grace after grace.  Even more recently, I have seen the hand of God move graciously on my behalf to bring restoration to my body with my recent pregnancy and blood pressure that is finally back to normal.  I’m still praying for more restoration, but in the meantime, I’m learning to rest in my Father who sees and is more than enough for me!    

The State of my Health Address: Enough

I never would have expected the journey God has taken me on over the past three years concerning my health, my mind, my walk with Him, and really so many other things—some of which are personal and quite dear to my heart (you don’t need to know all of my business anyways;)).  Following Jesus over the past three years has not been easy, it’s been hard.  It’s been a choice in so many ways for me, not a feeling, but a choice to trust and believe God even when I may not understand it.  Especially in the moments where I wanted to serve Him more, but I couldn’t because physically I wasn’t able.  What a much-needed humbling experience this has been for me.  I can’t even begin to express to you all God has done in me through this.  And now, by the grace of God, I believe He has brought me to a much better place of acceptance and praise, with the understanding He is good, Sovereign and has a plan that reaches beyond anything I can seeJ.   My faith is becoming something I know personally, and not just something I read about it.

On this journey, I’ve experienced ups and downs, but through it all Christ has remained constant.  In the moments where I have just wanted to throw in the towel, I hear the sweet whisper of the Holy Spirit calling me to keep moving forward.  Yes, I’ve experienced a level of suffering and surrender I have not known until now, but for the sake of Christ, know it has been redemptive!  That’s why I want to share this blog with you, because I believe God has allowed me to suffer for His glory--and my own freedom.  He has allowed some things to be removed from me, some for a time, others maybe forever, and, oh yeah; He has allowed me to experience the consequences of my own sin.  Can I tell you, it is hard, so hard, because I’m realizing just how broken I am.  I have never in my life realized just how much I need Jesus. 

Here’s the great thing about God though, because in my brokenness I have realized just how sufficient Christ Jesus is.  Jesus is enough.  Though I’ve been stripped of things, some of which are very good things; I have come to a place where I can say, Jesus is enough and He is really what my heart is crying out for.   He is beyond sufficient to meet my needs.  I’ve found in the quiet moments with God what I really want is more of Him.  Isn’t this the journey God desires to take us on?  A journey were we are so fed up with our trips to the pit we dig for ourselves that we say—Jesus, make me well, I just want You.   Like the man who had been sick for 38 years whom Jesus asked if he wanted to be well?  Isn’t it odd Jesus asks this man if he wants to be well?  I wonder if we really want to be well or if we want our way, our self-sufficiency and in essence our sickness.  Maybe we’d like to think we can have both.  I know my actions have shown the latter.

Beloved, God is so patient and kind.  He can restore anything and anyone who would turn to Him for healing.  Let go of the resentment, stop fighting for answers and fall at the feet of Jesus, confessing your own unbelief.  He really is enough!  Seek Him like never before and you will not be disappointed!  He has a plan for your life and it is good.  You can stay in your bondage or you can trust that God will set you free through your own pain and suffering.  “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” (Romans 8:18)  Friends, as believers in Christ, we have this hope.  Our struggle is actually an avenue to our freedom in Christ.  I’m choosing to trust God with my pain knowing He is using it to free me and bring me into fuller intimacy with His Son.  How about you?

Christmas Every Day

"But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.  Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord." Luke 2:10-11

I love Christmas.  When I was a young child the one thing about Christmas that sticks out to me was the excitement I felt about opening gifts.  I always tried to play it off as though I was “Joe Cool” so to speak, but on the inside I was leaping with excitement and anticipation.  I would wake up throughout the night, my eyes would dart to the clock to find it was only two in the morning, then four in the morning, until finally the clock said six in the morning!  Six in the morning!   This, this was the time, the time when we were able to wake up our parents and go get our gifts!  Ready or not Mom and Dad, here we come! 

One day we will be with Jesus and the excitement we once felt at Christmas will never ever, ever leave.  Now, I do not know about you, but sometimes my heart gets a little fluttery as I think about the return of Jesus Christ (and no it is not my pacemaker).  I have a feeling He is waiting with great expectation and excitement for the day His Father tells Him it is time to go get His Bride (Bride= anyone in Christ).  And once the Father tells him to come, my friends, ready or not because here He comes!  I hope you are ready because He is coming (Matt. 24:30).  When the Father says it is time, He will come and He will not delay.  I think a really good sign of a follower of Jesus Christ is that not only are they ready for Him to come back, but they long for His glorious return.  It is hard to fathom, but one day, it will be like Christmas every day of the year.  The excitement will never end.  Come Lord Jesus, come.  We celebrate YOU this Christmas season. 

Insecurity: The Need for More

"Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water." John 4:10

 

So I went on a bit of a blog breakJ.   I’ve been preparing for a Bible study at our church about the life of Joseph and it has taken a lot of my time and focus.  I’m pretty excited about it.  I hope to share some insights from it here on my blog!

On Saturday Michael and I took a quick trip down to St. Louis.  On the drive down I decided to do some reading.  I actually re-read a chapter out of a book I’ve been reading, I’ve found it to be so helpful as I prepare for the Bible study on Joseph.  The book is, From Dream to Destiny by Robert Morris, and is actually a book I’ve referred to in a recent post (Pacemaker: The Ups and Downs).  The chapter that I re-read out of the book was the chapter on pride and Morris mentions that he believes a lot of our pride comes from the “root of insecurity.”  He goes on to say, “If we take a closer look we can see something lying behind this sense of insecurity.  It is fear—fear that people won’t accept us or value us unless we know how great we are.  So we talk about ourselves in the hopes of being considered worthy of acceptance of others.”

Oye…I ran right into a wall.  I sat there for a moment and this thought went through my head: No, this wasn’t talking about me because I’d dealt with my issues already in seminary.  I heard a sermon yesterday where the pastor said we have a tendency to hear a message or read a scripture and immediately think it’s for someone else and never us.  If that’s you, if you are constantly seeing others instead of seeing yourself, I’m just going to be blunt, Satan has deceived you.  Stop looking at others and starting looking inward.  Let God work in you.  Let Him redeem you.  Let Him set you free.  We’ve all got unhealthy patterns that will take the journey of walking with Jesus to help heal.  Some things are healed in an instant but others will take years of walking with and surrendering to the Lord Jesus Christ. 

At least, this is what I am learning in my own journey.  Because as I sat there in the car and let this idea sink in a little further, it began to dawn on me that yes I had begun working through my own unhealthy issues of pride/insecurity/perfectionism in seminary but that didn’t mean it still didn’t rear its ugly head in other ways

You see, I’m a recovering perfectionist.  I cannot thank the Lord Jesus for the ways He has freed me from this.  He has buried so many lies in my life.  But if I could be honest for a moment, I know I’ve still got some issues to work through in this area.  They’ve probably always been there I just didn’t realize it until now, because I was a bit blind (that’s what pride and insecurity does).  But now, by the grace of God, my eyes have been opened to a greater Truth, a great freedom which is available to me and to you in Christ Jesus.  I think when Jesus sets you free in certain areas of your life; it opens you up to the Truth of your own heart.  Something that you were once blind too, you now see. 

Could it be that we really could be completely secure in the amazing reality that we are sons and daughters of the Upmost High King?  I think it could be.  No, I know it could be.  Identity is found in Jesus Christ and His relentless love for us, everything else is an exhausting empty pursuit.  When identity is found in Christ we will no longer need the accolades of others or have the desire to please everyone we meet.  We will know that the only person we have to please is our Heavenly Father who will always guide us in Truth. 

Gracious Father, there are many ways we have been blinded by insecurity and pride.  In your grace and power would you open our eyes to your Truth.  Father it’s here that we find true and lasting security in Christ Jesus.  No longer do we define ourselves by our externals, but by your Love.  We entrust this work to you and rejoice over the chains you will break in our own hearts.  Christ, be our one and only.  We love you.  We need your help to help us walk this journey of faith.  Thank you for never leaving us nor forsaking us.  Amen. 

 

I wonder how your eyes have been opened to a greater Truth in Christ Jesus?  I’d love to hear, please feel free to share!

You Have My Permission

6-12-12

I am the type of person who does not like showing weakness.  I have wanted to be strong, or at least appear to be strong throughout this whole process of having surgery again.  But can I tell you the best thing a very dear friend told me was that I don’t have to be strong and it’s okay to fall apart.  Wow, I cannot even begin to express to you how freeing it was to be given permission to cry or do whatever I needed to do in that moment.  Trying to hold it all together is absolutely exhausting, but we do it more often than not.  Some of us have done it for so long; we don’t know any other way to live.  Unfortunately because we have lived so long in this place we do not have the emotional capacity to let others grieve and mourn through life’s pains. 

Why are we so afraid to experience the pain that comes with life’s challenges?  Could it be a fear of our own?  Pride(I think that’s my issue)?  But what about when it comes to others, maybe we just don’t like seeing others hurt.  Or perhaps if we allow others to be vulnerable it just might stir some emotion in us and we might appear “weak” to others.  Now I put weak in parentheses because in being real and honest about the sorrow we feel we are quite the opposite of weak.  No, to be real, to admit we are weak is actually to say we are strong.  I think this is what the Apostle Paul meant in 2 Cor. 12:10b “For when I am weak, then I am strong.”   Being sad or down about something doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with us, no, that is normal.  It is when we stay there that it becomes a problem.  And Jesus does not want you to stay there. 

But Jesus can’t put back together a heart that hasn’t been broken.  Let me reword that…Jesus cannot put back together a heart that has not acknowledged it is broken.  I would argue that 99.9% if not all of us have something that has broken our hearts in one way or another.  When I got the news I had to have surgery again, you better believe my heart was broken.  Friends, I need the grace of God.  I am not a strong woman.  What strength I do have comes only from Him.  It is when I am weak that I experience the strength of Christ at work in me.  Because there’s something about being real that brings relief and a sense of freedom.  I do not want to appear strong for the sake of not appearing “weak,” but I find myself doing this at times.  Does that make sense to anyone?  I want to be weak, so I can have Christ’s strength and I want to let others do the same.  I hope you do too.

Don’t be afraid to fall apart; don’t think you have to hold it all together.  You don’t have to be strong.  He will be strong for you.  Jesus came to bind up the brokenhearted. (Is. 61:1)  “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.” (Luke 5:31)  Jesus cannot heal a self-righteous heart that sees no need for Him, or has no hope of healing.  Do we truly believe if we allowed Christ in He could heal us, or does hopelessness guide our lives?  Turn to Jesus, even if you heart doesn’t believe and ask Him to turn your sorrow into hope.  Memorize scriptures such as Ps. 43:5, Rom. 5:3-5, Jer. 29:11, Rom. 8:28, Phil. 1:6, Zeph. 3:17, Is. 61:1-3 and keep repeating them asking God to grow roots of belief.  I believe He can heal us and I will stand on that truth, by the grace of God, until the day I die.    

So friends, you have my permission.  Go ahead; fall apart, but in doing so remember you are not meant to stay there.  This is so very important to remember.  You are not meant to stay in despair!  Your heart is not meant to be in shatters.  It is meant to be whole. Call on the Name of Jesus.  Turn to Him and be restored.  It might take time, but don’t give up!     

Walking with Jesus: It's not so easy.

Nobody ever said walking with Jesus was easy.  Sometimes it is easier than others, but there’s this thing about walking with Jesus.  The more we walk with Him and the deeper we go means more and more of our selfishness/pride has to go too.  This is the difficult part.  Our old self, all the sin/pride/rebellion/self-righteousness/whatever dissipates as Jesus begins to fill us with His love and purpose.  The less we have of ourselves the more beautiful we will become as Christ begins to take over every area of our hearts.    

There will be times in my life when I feel like I’ve finally taken hold of a stronghold in my life.  But then those moments come where I am reminded of the sin or challenged once again with the question will I choose life and follow Jesus or will I choose that path I hate, but are so often drawn too.  Yes, I want to follow Jesus.  Yes, I want to live more for Him.  I cannot conquer strongholds or overcome temptation on my own, and neither can you.  By the power of the Risen Christ in us we can, but only according to His good purpose and glory.  Did you hear that last part?  Only according to His good purpose and glory.   I think it’s a very important piece.  Let me explain.  If for some reason God desires for me to struggle through an area of sin for longer than I’d like, my response should be that of praise and thanksgiving because “for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose (Phil 2:13).”  I may not understand it, I may not like it, I may even wish it never happened but it’s not my feelings that give me any sense of Truth, it is His Word which guides me in Truth.  His Word must be my focus and yours.  God’s character and our identity in Christ are not determined by how we feel but on who God is revealed to us in His Word. 

I have learned over my years of walking with Jesus that we can pray a prayer for God to help us live victoriously but that does to mean the prayer is immediately answered.  Sometimes it is, but I think most times it isn’t.  Why?  Because God has so much more to do in us and it’s the journey of trusting Him in faith, even when the lies continue, the fears do not cease, and the battle seems like there is no end in sight.  Think about it friends, if God just answered our prayers in an instant, would we truly seek Him?  Would we really get to know Him?  God would be at our disposal giving us whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted without us having to submit anything to Him.  This is not how God works.  He’s a redemptive God who longs to make us whole and complete.  This work takes time. 

God loves us with an everlasting, perfect, complete love.  Let us not forget though that the Christian life is a battle.   The world, the flesh (ourselves), and the devil are all working against us.  My friends keep pressing on.  Keep putting your faith in the promises of God revealed in scripture.  Don’t regret the struggle, but remember God is working in you to make you more like His Son.   The journey may not be easy, but the reward is well worth it. And what is our reward?  Well eternal life for one, but in the meantime it’s the amazing journey of walking with the Lover of our souls.  The Apostle Paul sums it up pretty well in Phil 3:7-8 “What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ.”

Jesus really is real and alive.  The more I walk with Him, the more I realize this truth.  He is alive and He lives in me.  God knows exactly what He is doing, keep trusting, keep seeking, and keep believing Him for far better things.  “Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay (Hab. 2:3b).”