If you’ve been following my blog, you would have read that everything was going great. I was experiencing energy like I had not experienced in many many months, but in the midst of this I was also experiencing a very uncomfortable muscle twitching in my chest. Come to find out the muscle twitching was caused by the 2nd lead. The 2nd lead/wire makes the bottom chamber of my heart beat. So the doctor decided to turn off the lead to alleviate the twitching. I still had the 1st lead which makes the top chamber of my heart beat. Unfortunately, the natural pacemaker of my heart does not have my bottom chamber beat at all. So this means that currently the bottom chamber of my heart is not working. They said that I might get tired and would need to see how I felt and report back to them. Well, as time went on I started getting more and more tired. I started feeling like I used too, tired and worn out. So I went back to the doctor to report my woes. During this visit he said to me, I want to go back in and reposition the lead before I turn on the 2nd lead. I said, wait, what do you mean you want to “go back in?” Well, we all know what he meant by that now, don’t we? But before we talked more about that I was supposed to see how I felt after a week because he tried changing something else in the pacemaker and but it didn’t do anything. The energy I had a couple of weeks ago is now fading.
I got the phone call from my doctor’s nurse on Monday afternoon and she informed me that he wants to do the surgery with the hope it will stop the twitching and he can turn the 2nd lead back on. He does not want to turn it back on until we try to fix this twitching problem. Now, the surprising part to me in all of this was the extent of the surgery. I guess it should have clicked in my head earlier that the surgery would have to be a repeat surgery so I would basically be experiencing the exact same thing, but perhaps I was hoping for the best or not even wanting to think that was a possibility. I don’t know.
My surgery is schedule for 11am on June 14th. I will be staying overnight again. The nurse told me the surgery would be about the same because it’s a lead/wire that needs either repositioned or replaced. So the pacemaker has to come out and be put back into a place that hasn’t had enough time to fully heal, this means I’ll be in pain. Maybe the same amount, but I sure hope not. You see, if it was just replacing the pacemaker battery it wouldn’t be this extensive, but because it’s the lead it makes a difference. It means I’ll have the same restrictions with raising my arm above my shoulder. I can’t do it again for two weeks because if I move too much I’ll pull the wire from my heart and well, that would be awful. So we’ll be back to wearing the sling, no driving, and no lifting more than a few pounds for two weeks.
Yes, I know this is for the best and what has to do be done, but wow was it a hard pill to swallow. I remember getting off of the phone with the nurse and I just started to cry. The only thing I knew to do was to call on the Name of Jesus, so that’s what I did. I repeated the Name of Jesus over and over again and for a moment I felt love and as though everything was going to be okay. And it is going to be okay. I'll be okay. We'll be okay. Why? Because of His grace, His love, His presence.
Life is not always going to go the way we hope and that really is okay. Everybody has difficulties and pains. I’m not the only one. I’m sure you have them do. May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ grant you courage and strength too to keep moving forward. If we would turn to Him, Jesus promises us He will grant us the courage we need for each step. “That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Cor. 12:10
Lord Jesus, I am weak, but You are strong! Grant me Your courage!