You Have My Permission

6-12-12

I am the type of person who does not like showing weakness.  I have wanted to be strong, or at least appear to be strong throughout this whole process of having surgery again.  But can I tell you the best thing a very dear friend told me was that I don’t have to be strong and it’s okay to fall apart.  Wow, I cannot even begin to express to you how freeing it was to be given permission to cry or do whatever I needed to do in that moment.  Trying to hold it all together is absolutely exhausting, but we do it more often than not.  Some of us have done it for so long; we don’t know any other way to live.  Unfortunately because we have lived so long in this place we do not have the emotional capacity to let others grieve and mourn through life’s pains. 

Why are we so afraid to experience the pain that comes with life’s challenges?  Could it be a fear of our own?  Pride(I think that’s my issue)?  But what about when it comes to others, maybe we just don’t like seeing others hurt.  Or perhaps if we allow others to be vulnerable it just might stir some emotion in us and we might appear “weak” to others.  Now I put weak in parentheses because in being real and honest about the sorrow we feel we are quite the opposite of weak.  No, to be real, to admit we are weak is actually to say we are strong.  I think this is what the Apostle Paul meant in 2 Cor. 12:10b “For when I am weak, then I am strong.”   Being sad or down about something doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with us, no, that is normal.  It is when we stay there that it becomes a problem.  And Jesus does not want you to stay there. 

But Jesus can’t put back together a heart that hasn’t been broken.  Let me reword that…Jesus cannot put back together a heart that has not acknowledged it is broken.  I would argue that 99.9% if not all of us have something that has broken our hearts in one way or another.  When I got the news I had to have surgery again, you better believe my heart was broken.  Friends, I need the grace of God.  I am not a strong woman.  What strength I do have comes only from Him.  It is when I am weak that I experience the strength of Christ at work in me.  Because there’s something about being real that brings relief and a sense of freedom.  I do not want to appear strong for the sake of not appearing “weak,” but I find myself doing this at times.  Does that make sense to anyone?  I want to be weak, so I can have Christ’s strength and I want to let others do the same.  I hope you do too.

Don’t be afraid to fall apart; don’t think you have to hold it all together.  You don’t have to be strong.  He will be strong for you.  Jesus came to bind up the brokenhearted. (Is. 61:1)  “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.” (Luke 5:31)  Jesus cannot heal a self-righteous heart that sees no need for Him, or has no hope of healing.  Do we truly believe if we allowed Christ in He could heal us, or does hopelessness guide our lives?  Turn to Jesus, even if you heart doesn’t believe and ask Him to turn your sorrow into hope.  Memorize scriptures such as Ps. 43:5, Rom. 5:3-5, Jer. 29:11, Rom. 8:28, Phil. 1:6, Zeph. 3:17, Is. 61:1-3 and keep repeating them asking God to grow roots of belief.  I believe He can heal us and I will stand on that truth, by the grace of God, until the day I die.    

So friends, you have my permission.  Go ahead; fall apart, but in doing so remember you are not meant to stay there.  This is so very important to remember.  You are not meant to stay in despair!  Your heart is not meant to be in shatters.  It is meant to be whole. Call on the Name of Jesus.  Turn to Him and be restored.  It might take time, but don’t give up!