Accepting ALL of God

I bet you have done it.  I think most of us have.  We have questioned and wondered about the plans of God for the world and us.  We have found connection with the prophet Habbakuk who cried out, “How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, "Violence!" but you do not save?” (Hab. 1:2)  

Remember Job and his story?  He experienced a great time of suffering.  In all of the searching for answers to Job’s suffering he and his friends came up with various ideas and assertions, but God comes on the scene in Ch. 38:1-3 and says this:

 “Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind and said, “Who is this that darkens counsel
 by words without knowledge?  “Now gird up your loins like a man, and I will ask you, and you instruct Me!” Job 38:1-3

Whoa, hello humbling.  Go ahead and read the whole chapter, I don’t know how you cannot leave from reading it without repenting and asking God for forgiveness.   Often times we want answers to our questions, but I have found in this life of faith that that is not where freedom in Christ is found.  Freedom is found in not only accepting all of God’s attributes, but also in praising Him for His attributes.  We accept and we praise Him not only for His love, but also for His justice, not only for his mercy, but also for His wrath.  We don’t make God who we want Him to be, but we glorify Him because He not only forgives sinners, but also judges the unrepentant and He not only showers us with blessings but also allows us to suffer and experience pain. 

You see, when we trust Him and learn to worship Him for all He is, we will find peace and assurance in His goodness regardless of our circumstances and the world around us.  Once we start to make God who we want Him to be we better humble ourselves before He does.   In fact, I’m praying either we do or He does.  Because pride is one of the avenues Satan loves and relishes in (i.e. the fall of man).  Don’t be deceived by the Deceiver, remember who you are and who God is.  We are finite, and in reality, we don’t have a clue.  God even says to Job, “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me if you understand.” Job 38:4 

We don’t know best, God does and when we start accepting that and praising Him for it, letting go of our need for answers, and our ideas of who we want God to be we will find that living life is much easier as we walk trusting in Him for ALL He is.

What attribute of God are you wrestling to accept? 

Who am I?

The other week I had two people ask me in a matter of just a few days if I was a runner.  Now, I haven’t been able to run for quite some time, this question made me think about how often we define ourselves by the things we have done or are doing.  Sure, I used to find identity in being a runner, a sense of pride and accomplishment come from it and I found some worth in that, I’ll admit that.  

God is so gracious, isn’t He?  Throughout this health journey I have been asking the Lord to give me His perspective, to continue to show me my own sin and areas of brokenness, and to empty me and fill me with His lasting peace and purpose.  Because now that running is not apart of my life I am faced with the question of who am I?  Why did this mean so much to me?  I could find a new thing to find identity and worth from, but that wouldn’t do me any good, in fact, it would work towards my destruction instead of giving me a fuller life in Christ and just expound upon my sin.  Friends, our identity is not found in the things we do—our jobs, our families, our finances, our hobbies, etc..  None of these can give us lasting purpose.  Why?  Because all of them could end in an instant.  Yes, these things can give us great joy when walked in with humility, BUT should not be looked too to give us our identity.

In fact Solomon says this about the pleasures of this life:

“And whatever my eyes desired I did not keep from them. I kept my heart from no pleasure, for my heart found pleasure in all my toil, and this was my reward for all my toil.  Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and a striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun.” Ecclesiastes 1:10-12

So this is what I am learning, ready?  I don’t, we don’t, need these things to make us whole or give us a sense of worth.  We are really ok without it, whatever it is.  Jesus is what we need.  He gives us lasting identity, one that will never ever end.  His love.  His grace.  His Truth.  Yes, His salvation lasts forever.  Freedom is found in walking in obedience to the King. 

Trust me, I’m not making this up.  Solomon ends his book with this:

“The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.” Ecc. 12:13

So I'll trust God that if He sees it fit for me to run again then I will, if not, then He knows best, my duty is to honor and obey Him.  It's not burdensome, no friends, it's life! 

Mother's Day: The Joy and Pain of This Day

Let me say first and foremost that I think Mother’s Day is an amazing day.  I love my mom, and I love the other women in my life who have helped shape and form me in some way.  Mother’s rock and we should celebrate them.  J

I wanted to say that first because I don’t want to rain on Mother’s Day that is not my intent.  Yet, I also know that Mother’s day can be a painful day for some.  I call it a trigger day for myself.  It is a day where I am reminded of my miscarriage and my sweet babies who are with Jesus, (that word I cringe at) the infertility, my health issues, of what I don’t have, but what my heart has ached for.  Maybe you’ve felt that ache before too; whether it is for a child, a spouse, a mom, or ________ (fill in the blank). 

So what do we do with days like these; days where we wonder, when will our time come, will it come?  Well, I think we have to allow our feelings to really come for what they are.   It is okay to admit it’s hard.  At times I wish it wasn’t.  I wish I could get through this day and it wouldn’t affect me, thanks be to God, I don't feel the same magnitude of pain, but it still sneaks up on me. 

After we acknowledged our feelings, it’s imperative we surrender them to the Lord Jesus Christ.  Often times our pain can make us do unhealthy things, like eat lots of candy, take matters into our own hands, or treat the people we love like junk.  So instead of reaching for something or someone to ease your pain, how about we try giving it to Jesus.  It’s really a continual surrender, but He can handle it.  That’s the beauty of Jesus; He longs to lift our burdens from us.   

Its days like these where I am reminded of what it means to have faith in God and His goodness and what it means to really worship Him.  His goodness is not determined by my hopes being met.  No, His goodness is determined by this:  “But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved),” Eph. 2:4-5

God longs to give us good things in life.  He does.  Yet, for the sake of His glory sometimes we have to wait or trust Him for an even better plan, but we wait not without hope but as people great hope.  “I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, And in His word do I hope.” Ps. 130:5  Is He good?  You better believe it.  Is He worthy?  Absolutely.  Will I worship Him?  Forever. 

Acknowledge. Surrender. Worship.

Gracious Lord, we thank you so much for mothers.  We ask for you to bless them for their amazing sacrifice.  Bless the women Lord who long to be mothers but can’t, bless those who are waiting to adopt, and those who don’t have a mom; may the power of the Holy Spirit grant us comfort and wholeness in Christ as we surrender our pain to Your Son Jesus.  He can handle it.  Jesus, make us whole in You, not in our hopes and dreams.  Father, we believe in Your goodness and we thank You for the grace You have given us in Christ.  Let it be to Your glory! Amen.

Confessions of a Control Freak

I love the book of Hebrews.  Why?  Because it’s emphasis on both the divinity AND humanity of Christ.  It reminds us that Jesus experienced temptation and suffering.  I don’t know about you all, but I experience temptation and suffering.  The more I walk out this life of faith with Christ in the reality of my brokenness and sin, the more I see my heart is a mess and needs the healing work only God can give.  My heart, on its own, is bent towards sin. Plain and simple.   

I find great comfort in the words found in the book of Hebrews.  Words penned so many years ago, yet they still have the authority and power to breathe a fresh word to my heart and soul.  Glory to God!

“Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.” Heb. 2:18

“Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered.” Heb. 5:8

If you didn’t know yet, one of the sins I wrestle with is control.  This has played itself out in many aspects of my life.  (i.e. see below)

A few nights ago, I was lying in bed wrestling in my mind with something asking the Lord, what’s the deal here, what’s the wrestling about.  A little something like this came to my spirit:  Beloved, I know, even though you can’t see it, I know better than you.  Trust me; let me guide your decisions.  SHAZAM.  There it is. God knows better than we do. "The mind of a man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." Prov. 16:9 Often times we think we know what’s best, but God knows down the road…we don’t. We only think we do, constructed off of our experiences, or knowledge.  We want proof, when God says, TRUST ME! 

The more we walk around, not acknowledging our sin and desiring to live our way, the more chained we live.  I also often wonder how much grieve God when we neglect Him.  There’s so much more for us in Christ but that life of abundance comes through humble submissive obedience not open rebellion against God and His Word.  It’s like we are saying to God, “Yeah, I know you sent your Son to die for my sins, and that’s great, I’ll take that but I want control of the rest.  I’ll just follow how I feel and do what I want.  Thanks.”  Whoa. 

In a world that tells us to follow our hearts and our desires, it’s time to step up and be different.  It’s time to flee from temptation, repent and follow Jesus-- not ourselves.  To be a follower of Christ means we die to ourselves.  We stop following our plan and start following God's. Plain and simple.

Why? For the sake of His great Name, His holiness, His glory, His Word and because if we don’t we open ourselves up to Satan’s deception and miss out on the glorious freedom found in walking with Jesus. 

 

What an awesome, loving, gracious God we serve. 

Unpredictable Faith

Supposedly, we are in the season of spring, yet, when I look outside it sure doesn’t look like spring!  Though, it is the season of spring.  Seasons are supposed to be predictable, right?  In the winter it gets cold and snows, in the spring it’s warm and delightful.  This spring though, and I’d argue even this summer and winter were far from predictable.  Let’s just say, if the saying holds true, “April showers bring May flowers,” we should have ourselves a mess of flowersJ.

There are also different seasons to our lives and will be times in our lives personally and as a church where there will be change, unpredictable change.  Wow, there are two words I don’t like—unpredictable and change.  We like predictability don’t we?  When I was in high school I used to have the same thing for lunch every day.  EVERYDAY.  I would have a ham sandwich, Cheetos (Chex mix if Mom went to Sam’s Club), and a mountain dew. We like predictability, we like routine, there’s comfort in it.  Isn’t there?  Yet, there will be times when God wants to shake us up in a bit.  Oh and I hope He does, in fact, I pray He does!  I pray He shakes us so much out of our comfortableness (is that a word?) that we are pushed to walk in greater faith trusting Him for each and every step. 

Isn’t that what this life of faith is all about?  Learning to trust Him with the unpredictable?  Friends, I don’t want to miss out on all God has for me personally and all He has for us as a community of believers.  For the sake of the Gospel, I am praying God shakes me up, and us up.  God is on the move and for us to join Him means “For we live by faith, not by sight (2 Cor. 5:7).”  We begin to see the movement of God in unexplainable ways when we step out and step into the life of unpredictable faith.  One thing though we can ALWAYS predict is the faithfulness of our God to us, His people.  We are safe and secure in His hands.  Glory to His Name.  

The State of My Health Addressed: Renewal

Right after I wrote my last blog I actually reverted back and had difficultly sleeping again.  If I could be honest for a moment, reverting back was not easy and I would have to admit that lately I’ve felt a bit, well, dry and just taxed in many ways.  When you physically do not feel well it just makes it that much harder to focus—physically, spiritually, and emotionally.  Thankfully, I met with my holistic specialist and she put me on a new herbal tonic to help support my adrenals and finally for the first time in a couple of months I have slept each night through for the past week and a half.  Thank you Jesus.  In numerous ways, this is big a relief. 

During this season in my life I have felt an array of emotions ranging from frustration to peace, hope to sadness, heartache to trust, exhaustion to joy, etc.  I’d like to say I’ve felt nothing but faith, hope, and peace on this journey, but then I’d be lying. You know, I think it is okay to admit to God how we are really feeling (I’ve blogged about that before).  We need too, because it’s real and God can handle it.  He really can.  Sometimes we just don’t have it all together and we need to fall apart for a while.  So today, I’m asking Jesus to break me and make me whole in Him.  I’m also asking for your prayers because I’m realizing, I think as we all should, that we need the prayers of community.

I am so very glad for the times God has given me on this journey where I have felt well because they do grant me hope and I am definitely better than I was a year ago. For that I am forever grateful.  I believe one day I will be well.  Yet, I’m learning my ultimate hope has to come from the sovereignty of God.  Because when these good times do come, to only fade, I find myself going through a grieving process all over again.  His glory is at stake and at work in this moment in my life, and if He would get more glory out of me being well today, then I would be.  Sometimes I wonder if I’m really walking this out in such a way that brings Him glory.  I hope so.  I know this life is not about me, it’s about Him.  I trust Him, I do, yet sometimes I have to shout this truth because my emotions don’t always feel it.  That’s the battle, isn’t it?  The battle of our faith?  Overcoming the lies, the self-defeat, and self-sufficiency.  Some may say it is selfish of God to seek glory.  No, because He is worthy, and perfect, completely just.  He is God after all.  It is selfish for me to want what I want and want it now; unless it’s His glory of course.  I do want Him to be glorified in me and if this is what it takes, then Gracious Father, have Your way. 

I know I’m not the only person who has ever felt tired, spent, or dry.  I need to take a timeout and get renewed.  That’s what I need and that’s what I’m planning.  Friends, we’ve got to make time for renewal because otherwise it doesn’t happen.  We will continue on in our overwhelmingly busy lives, full of noise, and vain things to fill our cup—without taking the time to do the soul work we so desperately need.  I need the Lord Jesus to fill my cup and give me new energy to keep moving forward on my journey.  I am so thankful for Jesus in my life.  Yes, Jesus is sufficient for me, for all.  How might you need Him today?   Even when I feel mad, sad, and discouraged there is something so marvelous about the Lord Jesus, something about the Holy Word of God that ignites my soul with hope to once again keep moving forward.  My cup is filled, I am nourished, and find the strength I need through His never-ending all sufficiency--to trust, to obey, to worship His Holy Name in the midst of my struggle.  Glory to God!

May we all find comfort and renewal in the Words of Jesus:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.   For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matt. 11:28-30

The State of My Health Address: Pressing On

In my last blog I wrote about the roadblocks I had been experiencing in my own journey to good health.  Needless to say, it was a very difficult, trying, discouraging week and a half or so. BUT the awesome, amazing, super cool thing is—I am now feeling well.  Like really pretty well.  Now, I don’t want to get my hopes up and get ahead of myself, because I’ve totally done that over this past year, but I really think I’ve scaled another barrier (*Update as of 3/31/13 I did have a setback shortly after I wrote this for a few days, during this time I was reminded of this blog, what it means to trust God and seek out His glory in our pain).  This past weekend I walked more than I have walked in almost a year and did surprisingly very well, plus for the past week, I’ve slept great, felt strength in my body and have had energy.  My birthday was yesterday and let me tell you, what a great birthday this has been.  Because when you haven’t felt well for so long, when you long to do and enjoy the things you once did and you’re body finally begins to feel better, let me tell you, it is an absolutely wonderful feeling.  On this health journey, I’ve had many highs and lows.  This is a high, thanks be to God!

I have been doing a lot of reflecting on this time in my life to see what the Lord might be trying to speak to me (nothing happens in vain friends, God is always at work!). Here’s what I have been thinking about…sometimes things have to get worse before they get better.  This has totally been true for me over this past year.  Remember the cleanse I did, eesh, that was rough but after it I experienced some very marked improvements in my health.  Oh, but then I started doing more this past month when softball practice started.  That’s when the couldn’t sleep, waking up in the middle of the night being dehydrated stuff got really bad.  Yah, not fun.  You know this is partly why I didn’t even try working out or even really walking that much over the past few months, because I would get so exhausted, wouldn’t sleep well and would be just plain hungry and thirsty all the time.  So, I avoided it…like the plague.  However, once softball started, there was no avoiding it, I had to face it like a (wo)man.  Yes, it was difficult, painful, confusing, discouraging, and frustrating to go through but the great part is I am actually feeling much better.

So here’s what has been swirling around in my little head (I little frightening I know), I wonder how often we avoid the difficult things in our lives because it’s too difficult, painful, confusing, discouraging, and frustrating.  It could be a relationship (friendship/spouse/family/etc.) in your life that instead of working at you just avoid because it’s “easier” or it could be a weight loss goal, an area of sin, the abuse you experienced as a child, that spiritual battle you’ve grown weary in.  Friends, sometimes (and I’d argue most times) in order for us and others to experience healing, wholeness, and just something better it will get worse before it gets better (i.e. think the death of Christ)! 

Sure, it may be “easier” to avoid, but it only keeps us in our cycles of defeat, so in reality it is not easy at all, it’s quite burdensome.  Fear is an awful thing.  Many of us don’t dig through the junk in our own hearts, relationships, marriages, and families because of this one little thing called, fear.  We stop pursing our goals in life, whether that be weight loss or something else, because the fear of failure, disappointment, or we just do not believe we are worth something better.  IF we started working on things, pursuing Truth, and seeking godly counsel—our world, our places of safety would crumble.  Yet, that’s where healing begins, but that’s scary (like a dog chasing after you scary). 

The longer I walk this journey, the more I realize just how awesome our God is and how much freedom He has for us through His Son Jesus Christ.  The more I walk in the Holy Spirit, living an abandoned, authentic life concerning my sin; I find I have more power to walk in victory with Jesus.  You better believe there is something far better for you in this life.  Beloved, the Lord Jesus not only goes with you, but before you.  You can trust Him.  Pursue authenticity, and don’t be afraid to go to those painful, scary places.  You are worth it!  The more you avoid them, the more chained and controlled by them you become.  Instead of bowing to them, bow to the Lord Jesus.  And don’t you give up the fight when it gets tough, because it will.  You push through and press in to the Lord Jesus Christ in ways like never before, relying on His Spirit, believing in His Word!  “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.” (Eph. 1:3)

Gracious Father, in this life we will suffer.  Who are we to think that we are exempt from suffering, as Christ suffered, so shall we.  Lord, may we bear in our bodies the markings of the Lord Jesus Christ, who suffered and died so we could be free.  Forgive us when we stay in defeat because we are too afraid to trust You with the unknown.  Grant us the courage to trust You, even when it gets worse before it gets better.  There is much more for us in Christ.   Father, we believe, we love you, be exalted.  Amen.