When God Shows Off: Our Pregnancy Story

So you may have heard the news.  I’m pregnant!  Glory to God! 

Can I be honest?  We were NOT expecting this.  I know that sounds odd considering Michael and I have asked God for a child for over 4 years, and I have been working with a woman on my fertility through a holistic approach for just over a year but LET ME EXPLAIN. :)  

In the fall of 2013 God began to really open my heart to adoption.  Michael has been open to it for years and has really wanted to pursue it over the past year or two.  It wasn’t until this fall though that my heart really began to open up to the idea.  So we began talking about it more together.  We even sat down with an agency and talked with an adoption counselor about the process of adoption.  We had decided to start the process the first of the year after we got through the holidays.  We were on our way.  So we thought.  

Because only ten short days before 2014 began on December 21^st I discovered I was pregnant (Michael didn’t believe me, he made me take two tests and read the instructions to him J).  So it seems like God had other plans for us!  I have no doubt though He was working on my heart to open it up to adoption and we trust He knows exactly what He is doing. 

I lost my first pregnancy early on in the summer of 2011 as some of you know.  So as you can imagine we’ve had some mixed emotions at times, ranging from shock and delight, to fear and doubt.  Early on after we found out I remember having a deep sense of peace, but then I let those fears creep in.  You know, the ones about losing the pregnancy again and doubting this was actually happening.  I went to Jesus with my fears and He helped me work them out and has restored my peace.  I am so stinking glad I have a Savior who is so gracious, loving and has pulled me out of so many pits in my life.  I have no doubt He will pull me out of this potential pit of fear in the weeks and months to come.  Because I’m sure the waves of fear will come and go, but because He walks with me, I don’t have to live and stay and dwell in those places of fear.  That’s a terrible place to live and my hope in Christ is to enjoy this pregnancy and rejoice in what God has done.  Regardless of what happens, I believe my God is good in all His ways.  I’ve been through too much with the Lord over these past few years not to believe in His goodness and grace.  That’s partly why Michael and I told people before the first trimester was over.  Risky?  Perhaps.  Yet, we know God was saying, be vulnerable.  Because we’ve been vulnerable there have been so many prayers for our precious baby and for ourselves and trust me we have felt the prayers of God’s people and what a blessing it has been.

I know this may sound odd too, but I really believe God used my mission trip to India in me being able to conceive.  I wrote earlier that I believe God did some type of healing work in me during that trip and now I am convinced all the more that He did.  It was only a week after I returned home from India that I became pregnant.  Friends, that is the Lord!  Especially considering what a mess I was before I left for the trip.   But I came home feeling the best I’ve felt in a very long time, of course, I then began feeling tired again, but now I know why.  I was pregnant, and I just didn’t know it yet.  J

We appreciate your prayers, but would you do my heart a great delight and just take a moment to praise God with us.  This was an act of His grace and we are so humbled by it! 

A New Year

As I look back on this year I would have to admit it has been a very difficult year.  Perhaps you could say the same thing.  Even though this year has been difficult spiritually, emotionally and physically—I know Jesus has been there all the way.  I have sensed Him near; I have heard Him beckoning me forward to follow Him, even when I felt stuck in despair, stubbornness, or physical limitations.  This has been a year of choosing.  Choosing to follow and believe in the plans God has for me according to His Word.  Faith is a choice my friends, it is not a feeling.  If we relied on our feelings to determine who God is we would crumble at the first sign of struggle. Why?  Because our feelings would tell us He is not loving, He does not answer our prayers, He cannot be trusted, etc..  So we take control because in our minds God cannot be trusted.  My friends, can I tell you, He can be trusted.  He is the only thing stable in my life.  Go ahead, call Him a crutch.  I am totally okay with that because on this journey of health struggles, you better believe I have leaned on my Lord in ways like never before. 

Perhaps that is what God is trying to get at all along?  Because on this journey, I know God has brought me to the end of myself in different ways when it comes to self-sufficiency, areas of sin, and my faith in Him.  I am tired of me.  I want Jesus.  That’s all I want.  I do not want my neurotic, controlling, unbelieving, weak self (Wow, I am exhausting!). 

In many ways 2013 is a new year for me.  Though I would like to put 2012 behind me, I do not ever want to forget it because God was at work.  When I take the time to look beyond myself, I do see the grace of God—through people, my pacemaker, divine interventions, answers to prayers, and better health. 

Deep down I have sensed that God would restore my health too me, and I can finally say I feel my body getting stronger.  Glory to God!  My blood pressure has finally gone above 100, last week I actually felt strength in my body and not that tired aching feeling I have walked around with for over a year.  Thank you Lord Jesus for Your grace, for Your mercy, for Your touch.  Perhaps, you are waiting, waiting for answers to your prayers.  My friends, He has answered your prayers.  He always does.  Will you surrender?  Will you trust?  Will you allow Him to do the work He longs to do in you?  Do not forget we are in a battle.  Satan does not want you to be free. He has a goal and that goal is to destroy you.  Take up arms and fight for your freedom in Christ.  Surrender to the Lord Jesus, who is your mighty warrior!  Get in the Word; it is your sword against the Enemy (Rev. 12:11, Eph. 6:17).  Yes, I know it takes work, I know you are tired but remember, less of you and more of Him.  That’s what He is after.    

Did you have a year like me?  One you want to put behind you.  I can understand, but I would also encourage you to reflect and seek God, don't be so quick to put it behind you.  Could it be that He is longing for you to draw closer to Himself?  I’d bet my last dollar on it.  Perhaps you could even say; it is our destiny in Christ.  God, bringing us to the end of ourselves and to a place where we realize—Jesus is all I need, Jesus is all I want.  Not ourselves, but Him.  His strength.  His character.  Walking with Jesus is a lifetime journey, but it’s a glorious journey of deeper wholeness and freedom that we have yet to know.

 

Gracious Father, we praise You because You have never left us nor forsaken us.  You are at work.   We give ourselves to that work because it is for your good purpose and our good. Though we may not understand, or have all of the answers, we choose to follow You by faith, not by sight.  We love you.  Bless this New Year, may it be a year of greater faith and obedience.  In the Name and power of Jesus Christ, the Son of David, the Messiah, the Anointed One, we pray.  Amen.