Okay, so I’ll admit, I’ve been a bit vague recently in my
blogs relating to my health. I’ve had my
reasons for doing this. Now, though, I
want to let you in on some of the things that have really been going on for the
past few months. Why? Trust me, it’s not because I love putting
this out so the whole world can read about the personal painful details of my
life, no, but for the sake of God’s glory!
Before I left for my trip to India I was having a
terrible time. It really all started in
July as a result of pushing myself a little too much, but it got worse in August when I started having persistent anxiety due to a
change in one of my herbal tonics. It
was awful. Thankfully, after 2-3 weeks
of dealing with this God gave me the insight to make the connection between the
new herbs and the anxiety so we changed my tonic. After that the anxiety completely stopped. However, the stress the anxiety naturally put
upon my body put my adrenals into a tailspin.
I started having issues again not being able to sleep at night waking up
exhausted and depleted, this continued for a month on and off and then for
almost 2 weeks straight, I was also having an awful time with my blood sugar
and there were other issues some old, some surprisingly new that arose. I really couldn't even go for walks, my body just didn't have the reserves. And here I was a month away from my trip to
India; I really needed a work of God.
The holistic specialist I am going too even told me she didn’t think I
should go on my trip, she didn’t believe I was well enough and thought we’d
have a lot of extra work to do when I got home.
I even remember a time where I wondered how I could get out of the trip,
but I kept praying and God kept speaking to my heart that I was to be on this
trip. So, the only thing I knew to do
was obey, even if it didn’t make any sense to me and things looked very
bleak.
I kept praying and asked others to pray too. Thankfully, the Lord worked (yet He’s always
working) and about a week and a half before my trip I finally started sleeping
again and my blood sugar balanced back out.
The crazy, only can be explained through God thing was that I went into
the trip knowing my reserves were low and that this could be a disaster for me
because of the lack of sleep I would face and stress from the trip. And if you don’t know, if your adrenals don’t
want to do their job like mine, then stress and lack of sleep is a recipe for
disaster. Why? Because the adrenals help your body respond
to stress. Oh, and just to put the icing
on the cake, it was also during this time that I started having bad back
pain. I remember saying to the Lord that
if I am more of a mess when I get home and have to struggle through this while
I am there then let it be for Your glory.
My life is not about me, it’s about Jesus and in this moment that aspect
of my faith was being tested. Now, I
don’t follow the Lord perfectly, and there are times when I don’t get it right
but I knew this trip was something I had to do.
You see, my body was at a point where I could only handle
the natural stress your body has in going through a normal day and really
nothing more beyond that. So, I went
into this trip, trusting Jesus, it was all I could do. I couldn’t control anything, in fact, I’ve
never felt so weak and out of control in my entire life than I have over the
past few years due to my health issues (i.e. miscarriage, pacemaker surgery, pacemaker revision surgery, and now the glands). On the trip I had all
sorts of stressful situations, especially getting there, which you can read
about that crazy experience here. I also
experienced a lack of sleep due to the travel and very long days of
ministry. Yet, my blood sugar was good
and I never had an issue with my sleep like I’d been having. Never, not once. As far as I am concerned that was a miracle
of God. Oh, and not to mention, my back
pain somehow disappeared once I went on the trip. Must have been a coincidence. NOPE, it was God. It was His hand, to His great glory. Ever since I’ve been home I’ve been doing
quite well. In fact, Michael even told
me he saw glimpses of the old me; which, I unfortunately paid for later!
I really truly believe there was some spiritual warfare
going on leading up to the trip to discourage me from going.
Over this past year I’ve been seeking the Lord on my
healing and He kept taking me to the book of Job. In my stubbornness, I kept saying I don’t
want to go to the book of Job. I want to
go to happier stories, like the woman who bleed for 12 years and after touching
Jesus she was healed, or the crippled man Paul sees has the faith to be healed
and commands him to stand and he does. You
know what though, all of these people who were healed had to suffer for years,
I think we forget that when we read of their miraculous healing. In Job’s case, Scripture tells us Satan was
allowed to touch his body. I take full
responsibility for the sin that has brought on some of my health problems, but
oh my, I have felt like Satan has been allowed to touch my body. Now, Job was eventually restored, but
before God healed Him He brought Him to a greater place of trust and surrender
to who He was as God. God humbled him,
there would be no more questions and doubts Job would bring to God, but Job would
now stand in awe of God.
Now, I've got a road ahead of me still so I'm asking for your continued prayers, but I am standing in awe of God over this trip. I love how God shows off and shows up in the
moments that look the least hopeful and does something that can only be
explained through Him. Maybe that’s why
He waits for those moments, because we’d take credit for it unless we knew we
couldn’t have done it on our own?
God may have some healing or blessings of some sort for
you friend, but He may be calling you to follow Him into the unknown to a place
of pure brokenness and dependence upon Him.
Just like Abraham who was called out of his own country and into one God
would show him later (Gen. 12:1). Or like Joshua and Caleb who believed God
when the other 10 spies did not (Num. 13:26-33, 14:6-9). God blessed Joshua and Caleb for their whole-hearted
devotion to Him and gave them the victory—much
later, in fact many years later.
What have you been discouraged by? A relational struggle? Health problems? Financial difficulties? Some type of loss? Closed doors?
Don’t you give up Beloved, that’s exactly what Satan wants you to
do. Don’t you do it, don’t you give him
one inch of your freedom in Christ! God
has so much more for you, so much more peace and joy, freedom and hope through
His Son Jesus. “For we walk by faith,
not by sight.” 2 Cor. 5:7
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