Okay, so I’ll admit, I’ve been a bit vague recently in my blogs relating to my health. I’ve had my reasons for doing this. Now, though, I want to let you in on some of the things that have really been going on for the past few months. Why? Trust me, it’s not because I love putting this out so the whole world can read about the personal painful details of my life, no, but for the sake of God’s glory!
Before I left for my trip to India I was having a terrible time. It really all started in July as a result of pushing myself a little too much, but it got worse in August when I started having persistent anxiety due to a change in one of my herbal tonics. It was awful. Thankfully, after 2-3 weeks of dealing with this God gave me the insight to make the connection between the new herbs and the anxiety so we changed my tonic. After that the anxiety completely stopped. However, the stress the anxiety naturally put upon my body put my adrenals into a tailspin. I started having issues again not being able to sleep at night waking up exhausted and depleted, this continued for a month on and off and then for almost 2 weeks straight, I was also having an awful time with my blood sugar and there were other issues some old, some surprisingly new that arose. I really couldn't even go for walks, my body just didn't have the reserves. And here I was a month away from my trip to India; I really needed a work of God. The holistic specialist I am going too even told me she didn’t think I should go on my trip, she didn’t believe I was well enough and thought we’d have a lot of extra work to do when I got home. I even remember a time where I wondered how I could get out of the trip, but I kept praying and God kept speaking to my heart that I was to be on this trip. So, the only thing I knew to do was obey, even if it didn’t make any sense to me and things looked very bleak.
I kept praying and asked others to pray too. Thankfully, the Lord worked (yet He’s always working) and about a week and a half before my trip I finally started sleeping again and my blood sugar balanced back out. The crazy, only can be explained through God thing was that I went into the trip knowing my reserves were low and that this could be a disaster for me because of the lack of sleep I would face and stress from the trip. And if you don’t know, if your adrenals don’t want to do their job like mine, then stress and lack of sleep is a recipe for disaster. Why? Because the adrenals help your body respond to stress. Oh, and just to put the icing on the cake, it was also during this time that I started having bad back pain. I remember saying to the Lord that if I am more of a mess when I get home and have to struggle through this while I am there then let it be for Your glory. My life is not about me, it’s about Jesus and in this moment that aspect of my faith was being tested. Now, I don’t follow the Lord perfectly, and there are times when I don’t get it right but I knew this trip was something I had to do.
You see, my body was at a point where I could only handle the natural stress your body has in going through a normal day and really nothing more beyond that. So, I went into this trip, trusting Jesus, it was all I could do. I couldn’t control anything, in fact, I’ve never felt so weak and out of control in my entire life than I have over the past few years due to my health issues (i.e. miscarriage, pacemaker surgery, pacemaker revision surgery, and now the glands). On the trip I had all sorts of stressful situations, especially getting there, which you can read about that crazy experience here. I also experienced a lack of sleep due to the travel and very long days of ministry. Yet, my blood sugar was good and I never had an issue with my sleep like I’d been having. Never, not once. As far as I am concerned that was a miracle of God. Oh, and not to mention, my back pain somehow disappeared once I went on the trip. Must have been a coincidence. NOPE, it was God. It was His hand, to His great glory. Ever since I’ve been home I’ve been doing quite well. In fact, Michael even told me he saw glimpses of the old me; which, I unfortunately paid for later!
I really truly believe there was some spiritual warfare going on leading up to the trip to discourage me from going.
Over this past year I’ve been seeking the Lord on my healing and He kept taking me to the book of Job. In my stubbornness, I kept saying I don’t want to go to the book of Job. I want to go to happier stories, like the woman who bleed for 12 years and after touching Jesus she was healed, or the crippled man Paul sees has the faith to be healed and commands him to stand and he does. You know what though, all of these people who were healed had to suffer for years, I think we forget that when we read of their miraculous healing. In Job’s case, Scripture tells us Satan was allowed to touch his body. I take full responsibility for the sin that has brought on some of my health problems, but oh my, I have felt like Satan has been allowed to touch my body. Now, Job was eventually restored, but before God healed Him He brought Him to a greater place of trust and surrender to who He was as God. God humbled him, there would be no more questions and doubts Job would bring to God, but Job would now stand in awe of God.
Now, I've got a road ahead of me still so I'm asking for your continued prayers, but I am standing in awe of God over this trip. I love how God shows off and shows up in the moments that look the least hopeful and does something that can only be explained through Him. Maybe that’s why He waits for those moments, because we’d take credit for it unless we knew we couldn’t have done it on our own?
God may have some healing or blessings of some sort for you friend, but He may be calling you to follow Him into the unknown to a place of pure brokenness and dependence upon Him. Just like Abraham who was called out of his own country and into one God would show him later (Gen. 12:1). Or like Joshua and Caleb who believed God when the other 10 spies did not (Num. 13:26-33, 14:6-9). God blessed Joshua and Caleb for their whole-hearted devotion to Him and gave them the victory—much later, in fact many years later.
What have you been discouraged by? A relational struggle? Health problems? Financial difficulties? Some type of loss? Closed doors? Don’t you give up Beloved, that’s exactly what Satan wants you to do. Don’t you do it, don’t you give him one inch of your freedom in Christ! God has so much more for you, so much more peace and joy, freedom and hope through His Son Jesus. “For we walk by faith, not by sight.” 2 Cor. 5:7