When God’s Call Turns into—Closed Doors?

“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” –Psalm 37:4

It is so hard to wait while we’re in the midst of waiting. But how sweet the prize at the end that we soon forget our suffering!

My husband and I are about to take the next step in our careers. We are receiving such confirmation from the Holy Spirit and our community of friends and family that this next step is the one to take. We are preparing to serve in another country on an international church planting team.

We never saw this coming. When we answered God’s call to attend seminary and prepare for full-time ministry, we figured we’d end up as local church pastors in small town America. Okay, maybe large town America! I remember reading book after book about church planting in seminary, thinking – wow, what an awesome ministry for those who are called to it. I could never do that…

Then we graduated. We hit the ground running, interviewing for all kinds of ministry positions from the local church to college ministry to chaplaincy. With each attempt, another door would close and we’d become even more discouraged. It wasn’t long before we were jaded by the job search process. Was it the economy? Was it us? Scariest of all, were we just not called to this after all?

Our tears were our prayers as we processed each disappointment. We felt that we were somehow failing at our call. But God reminded us to take delight in HIM first, not in our skill set, not in our network, and not in our calling as pastors.

We stopped trying to control the outcome and make something come together. We realized we had grown up in an environment that says if we take all the right steps, succeed at school, make good choices, our “dream job” was attainable. We’ve come to see that as an empty promise of our secular, ego-driven culture. And we watched in awe as God gave us new dreams altogether.

Through this process, we are being refined as gold is refined. We are being sanctified so we can be used for his purposes. While 3 years of waiting for a job seems like an eternity to us, it is nothing to the God of eternity. He is far more concerned with quality than quantity. He purifies our desires and shapes us in the fire. Without the intense heat of the fire, gold is not shapeable. Neither are we.

In our time of waiting, we are learning how to be with Him; to be together as husband and wife in Him. We are learning to find good nourishment in Him so we can offer the well of living water to others. As we wait for the unmet desires of our hearts, we trust in the Lord who placed those desires in our hearts to begin with.

When this wait is finally over, we will rejoice! But then the old desires will undoubtedly be replaced with new, more complicated struggles. God has proven, time and time again, that he can be trusted to answer every prayer in time and meet each unmet desire with His tender love.

Author- Stephanie Voland 

Stephanie lives with her husband, Phillip, and two beautiful daughters, Gabrielle (5) and Charlotte (1). She has her Masters of Divinity from Northern Seminary in Lombard, IL. She is discerning a call to short-term missions in Europe with the Evangelical Covenant Church. She loves to preach, write, spend time with family and friends, and laughs a LOT. She thanks her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for the precious gift of life in Him and the ability to share that gift with others.

Running Away: It's Time to Come Home

"Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay" Hab. 2:3

Was there ever a time in your childhood when you felt like running away?  Perhaps you almost did; you got the letter ready, packed a PB n J, and your favorite toy to discover you were too afraid to do it?  You knew it wasn’t a good idea, you’d be leaving a place of shelter, a family who loved you, and what would you eat tomorrow? 

As I reflect upon my life and the most difficult season of life to date which began towards the end of 2010, there have been many times where I felt like running away.  Why?  Because life didn’t go like I wanted it to nor expected it to go.  It was so much harder than I expected.  It seemed like every time I’d get somewhere or do something I’d have a setback or two follow me.  I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted.  It’s like God was taking me on a journey where I’d long to do things but for the life of me, I could not make them happen.  Have you ever been there?  In a place where it feels like things just are not going right?  As I reflect on this season of my life, I know all along God was trying to get my attention and bring me to a place of deeper trust and rest, to empty me of my own self-sufficiency, plans, and independence.  I was learning what it means to really praise God for His love, and not how He lives up to my expectations.  Wow, that sounds selfish, doesn’t it?

On this journey I have felt useless, embarrassed, defeated, out of control, weak, frustrated, fed-up, tired, and just plain done.  I wonder if anyone else ever has?  Yep, that’s called the stripping process.  It’s not easy, in fact, it’s very painful, but it is the redemption my sinful heart needs.  I’m so glad that the Lord disciplines those He loves, that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us, that God always leads us in triumphal processions in Christ, that it is God who works in me to will and act according to His good purpose, and that the God of all grace, after you have suffered a little while will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast (Heb. 12:6, Rom. 8:18, 2 Cor. 2:14, Phil. 2:13, 1 Peter 5:10). 

Sometimes God gives us more than we can handle.  He does.  Whoever told you He doesn’t, lied.  Trust me, there have been days where it has been too much for me.  You see, it’s about God bringing us to a place where we say, I get it, I can’t do it on my own, and I need You.  I just need You.  What is it about the Lord my friends, He really is that Rock that will never fail us, a constant help in times of trouble.  He stands up to His Word Beloved!  He is more than enough for us.  I never realized how sinful, so full of pride and selfishness I was before God took me on my journey to brokenness.  I’m so glad He did, because now we can get rid of that and get more of Jesus.  Hallelujah! 

I love Jesus and I CANNOT live without Him.  I’ll fall to pieces.  I can live without my sin--my pleasures, my comforts; my plans BUT I CANNOT live without Jesus.  What about you?  Are you falling to pieces?  Let God put you back together.  Have you run away from God or your responsibilities?  It could be an emotional abandonment.  We don’t physically have to leave something to have actually left it.  Come back to the Father like the prodigal son to find grace, healing, and forgiveness.  God may ask you or He may just take your comforts from you.  Give it to Him, I have a feeling it’s much easier than it being stripped from you.  It’s not worth holding on to.  It won’t bring your heart freedom, but the Lord Jesus can and does.  So why not come home to the Father?   

We serve a God of redemptive grace my friends, even in the midst of life’s most terrible, frustrating storms He gives us glimpses of His grace.  As I reflect further on this season I have also seen the hand of God move to protect me, sustain me, and grant me grace after grace.  Even more recently, I have seen the hand of God move graciously on my behalf to bring restoration to my body with my recent pregnancy and blood pressure that is finally back to normal.  I’m still praying for more restoration, but in the meantime, I’m learning to rest in my Father who sees and is more than enough for me!    

When God Shows Off: Our Pregnancy Story

So you may have heard the news.  I’m pregnant!  Glory to God! 

Can I be honest?  We were NOT expecting this.  I know that sounds odd considering Michael and I have asked God for a child for over 4 years, and I have been working with a woman on my fertility through a holistic approach for just over a year but LET ME EXPLAIN. :)  

In the fall of 2013 God began to really open my heart to adoption.  Michael has been open to it for years and has really wanted to pursue it over the past year or two.  It wasn’t until this fall though that my heart really began to open up to the idea.  So we began talking about it more together.  We even sat down with an agency and talked with an adoption counselor about the process of adoption.  We had decided to start the process the first of the year after we got through the holidays.  We were on our way.  So we thought.  

Because only ten short days before 2014 began on December 21^st I discovered I was pregnant (Michael didn’t believe me, he made me take two tests and read the instructions to him J).  So it seems like God had other plans for us!  I have no doubt though He was working on my heart to open it up to adoption and we trust He knows exactly what He is doing. 

I lost my first pregnancy early on in the summer of 2011 as some of you know.  So as you can imagine we’ve had some mixed emotions at times, ranging from shock and delight, to fear and doubt.  Early on after we found out I remember having a deep sense of peace, but then I let those fears creep in.  You know, the ones about losing the pregnancy again and doubting this was actually happening.  I went to Jesus with my fears and He helped me work them out and has restored my peace.  I am so stinking glad I have a Savior who is so gracious, loving and has pulled me out of so many pits in my life.  I have no doubt He will pull me out of this potential pit of fear in the weeks and months to come.  Because I’m sure the waves of fear will come and go, but because He walks with me, I don’t have to live and stay and dwell in those places of fear.  That’s a terrible place to live and my hope in Christ is to enjoy this pregnancy and rejoice in what God has done.  Regardless of what happens, I believe my God is good in all His ways.  I’ve been through too much with the Lord over these past few years not to believe in His goodness and grace.  That’s partly why Michael and I told people before the first trimester was over.  Risky?  Perhaps.  Yet, we know God was saying, be vulnerable.  Because we’ve been vulnerable there have been so many prayers for our precious baby and for ourselves and trust me we have felt the prayers of God’s people and what a blessing it has been.

I know this may sound odd too, but I really believe God used my mission trip to India in me being able to conceive.  I wrote earlier that I believe God did some type of healing work in me during that trip and now I am convinced all the more that He did.  It was only a week after I returned home from India that I became pregnant.  Friends, that is the Lord!  Especially considering what a mess I was before I left for the trip.   But I came home feeling the best I’ve felt in a very long time, of course, I then began feeling tired again, but now I know why.  I was pregnant, and I just didn’t know it yet.  J

We appreciate your prayers, but would you do my heart a great delight and just take a moment to praise God with us.  This was an act of His grace and we are so humbled by it! 

Suffering = Freedom

After my last blog I promised I would write on waiting on God even when it doesn't really make sense to us.  Well, here it is. 

So you have accepted and rejoice in the fact that God is working for your good, you are believing Him by faith putting your hope in His promises.  Yet, you're still waiting.  

God needs to do some work in us, and sometimes it takes time…often times it is more time than we imagined.  Yet, it’s here that we become whole and free.   God longs to free us and He will use these times of waiting to do just that.  How do I know?  Because I have seen Him do it in my own heart.  My faith, and yours too can become deeper and stronger than ever before.  

There will be some things God calls us to persevere and wait.  Why?  Because it’s there that we learn about who He truly is, a God of grace and amazing patience who is sufficient for us.  It’s also here that we become more like Jesus because as Rom. 5:3-5 tells us perseverance builds character, the character of Christ Jesus.  We are formed and shaped, prepared for the work God has for us, so we don’t work out of our unhealthy selves but out of Christ in us. 

  

Okay, but what do we do when the temptation comes to doubt the goodness of God and His plans for us? What is our remedy?  It is His Word.  I can’t get over it, there’s something so powerful about it.  So captivating.  I read it and it’s like my eyes are open, and I sense newness, I sense peace.   In fact, when it comes to our trails, James 1:2-4 says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Yes, God is at work in us, transforming us into the character of His Son, so that we will not lack a thing.  What a great God we serve!

Now I know that as our waiting continues we could ask why.  We could look back and be discouraged.  We could even look forward and be discouraged.  But that my friends is a pit of the enemy, used to steal our joy in Christ.  The Word tells us “It is God who works in you to will and act according to His good purpose.” (Phil. 2:13)  You better believe the Lord’s purposes are GOOD.  Scripture also tells me, “The LORD is righteous in all His ways and kind in all His deeds.” (Ps. 145:17)  Not only is He good, but also He is RIGHTEOUS and KIND in ALL His ways.  God has purposes and plans that are so far beyond our comprehension, plans which are making eternal impacts.  I am fully convinced that the Lord uses our pain and our suffering for good and He allows it because He loves us. 

YEP, SUFFERING IS FOR OUR FREEDOM.