Running Away: It's Time to Come Home

"Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay" Hab. 2:3

Was there ever a time in your childhood when you felt like running away?  Perhaps you almost did; you got the letter ready, packed a PB n J, and your favorite toy to discover you were too afraid to do it?  You knew it wasn’t a good idea, you’d be leaving a place of shelter, a family who loved you, and what would you eat tomorrow? 

As I reflect upon my life and the most difficult season of life to date which began towards the end of 2010, there have been many times where I felt like running away.  Why?  Because life didn’t go like I wanted it to nor expected it to go.  It was so much harder than I expected.  It seemed like every time I’d get somewhere or do something I’d have a setback or two follow me.  I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted.  It’s like God was taking me on a journey where I’d long to do things but for the life of me, I could not make them happen.  Have you ever been there?  In a place where it feels like things just are not going right?  As I reflect on this season of my life, I know all along God was trying to get my attention and bring me to a place of deeper trust and rest, to empty me of my own self-sufficiency, plans, and independence.  I was learning what it means to really praise God for His love, and not how He lives up to my expectations.  Wow, that sounds selfish, doesn’t it?

On this journey I have felt useless, embarrassed, defeated, out of control, weak, frustrated, fed-up, tired, and just plain done.  I wonder if anyone else ever has?  Yep, that’s called the stripping process.  It’s not easy, in fact, it’s very painful, but it is the redemption my sinful heart needs.  I’m so glad that the Lord disciplines those He loves, that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us, that God always leads us in triumphal processions in Christ, that it is God who works in me to will and act according to His good purpose, and that the God of all grace, after you have suffered a little while will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast (Heb. 12:6, Rom. 8:18, 2 Cor. 2:14, Phil. 2:13, 1 Peter 5:10). 

Sometimes God gives us more than we can handle.  He does.  Whoever told you He doesn’t, lied.  Trust me, there have been days where it has been too much for me.  You see, it’s about God bringing us to a place where we say, I get it, I can’t do it on my own, and I need You.  I just need You.  What is it about the Lord my friends, He really is that Rock that will never fail us, a constant help in times of trouble.  He stands up to His Word Beloved!  He is more than enough for us.  I never realized how sinful, so full of pride and selfishness I was before God took me on my journey to brokenness.  I’m so glad He did, because now we can get rid of that and get more of Jesus.  Hallelujah! 

I love Jesus and I CANNOT live without Him.  I’ll fall to pieces.  I can live without my sin--my pleasures, my comforts; my plans BUT I CANNOT live without Jesus.  What about you?  Are you falling to pieces?  Let God put you back together.  Have you run away from God or your responsibilities?  It could be an emotional abandonment.  We don’t physically have to leave something to have actually left it.  Come back to the Father like the prodigal son to find grace, healing, and forgiveness.  God may ask you or He may just take your comforts from you.  Give it to Him, I have a feeling it’s much easier than it being stripped from you.  It’s not worth holding on to.  It won’t bring your heart freedom, but the Lord Jesus can and does.  So why not come home to the Father?   

We serve a God of redemptive grace my friends, even in the midst of life’s most terrible, frustrating storms He gives us glimpses of His grace.  As I reflect further on this season I have also seen the hand of God move to protect me, sustain me, and grant me grace after grace.  Even more recently, I have seen the hand of God move graciously on my behalf to bring restoration to my body with my recent pregnancy and blood pressure that is finally back to normal.  I’m still praying for more restoration, but in the meantime, I’m learning to rest in my Father who sees and is more than enough for me!    

When God Seems Silent

Has God ever seemed distant or maybe silent in your life?  Are you experiencing a personal trial or can remember a time of struggle where God seemed distant?

In the Bible there was a period of 400 years that passed between the Old and New Testaments where God was 'silent.'  Yes, 400 years of waiting for God’s people. We think we’ve got it bad when we have to wait in line at the grocery because once again we got in the line that doesn’t move.  Now, in all seriousness though, there are times and seasons in our lives when God does seem distant (though He is closer than we know) and we wonder what in the world He is up too.   Anybody?

Watch this though, 400 years passed and finally we learn from the book of Luke that some things are beginning to happen.  Really good things.   God took an outwardly hopeless situation and He did what can be called--a reversal.  It’s His specialty really, because out of this seemingly hopeless situation, He starts to enfold the greatest announcement in all of history.  I think someone just needs to hear that.  Think about it; 400 years had passed, that is a very long time to wait!   Yet, out of this period of silence came our Messiah, The Lord Jesus Christ. 

Friends, we serve a God who thrives in turning hopeless situations into something quite redemptive.   Maybe you are waiting for a promise of God.  Perhaps you’ve prayed the same prayer for months and possibly even years.  Friends, we can trust Him.  Look what it says in Galatians 4:4, “But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship (emphasis added by me).”  What does this mean? It means God knew exactly what He was doing in that 400 years.  He had an appointed time for His Son and you better believe He has a timing for you and all of history.  My friends worship the King today, worship Him because He is at work, even though you cannot see it, He is and His plan is good!  Don't give up on God and your seemingly hopeless situation, you never know what He is up too!  

Pacemaker: The Experience

I’m thankful this surgery was nothing like my first surgery when I had open-heart.  I was there for about 24 hours and then released.  I was actually a little surprised they let me go home that day, but very thankful because I was getting a little impatient. J  

You know I really felt like God was trying to teach me a few things during my time there now that I have the time to sit back and reflect.  What I learned was just because things do not go smoothly does not mean God is not with me and guiding the process.  Let me explain.  I got there on Monday around 1pm, they did some preliminary things.  One of the first, we will call them, bumps in the road came while I was getting my blood drawn.  The nurse accidently bumped the syringe (ouch!).  We then move onto my prep room where the next nurse tries to put an IV in my right arm.  For some reason this was one of the most painful IV’s I’ve had put in.  Well if you stay with me, you’ll find out why. 

I get into the surgical room and really I just want to be put under so I don’t have to sit there and watch them put all these wires on me and paint me with orange stuff.  After about 10 minutes the lady says, okay, and she puts a little water in the IV to test it.  All of the sudden, pain starts filling my arm.  I say to the anesthesiologist lady, “That hurts, is it supposed to hurt that much.”  She then proceeds to look at my arm to see that where the IV is in my arm is beginning to bubble.  Bubble!  Why might you ask?  Because my earlier nurse lady did not get the IV inside the vein but only under the skin.  Good times.  Hence, the pain.  So then anesthesiologist lady takes out the IV and she says, “Oh my, that’s just squirting out blood.”  Now it wasn’t that bad, but it did bleed through the cotton ball pretty quickly.  So they call in a nurse to put a new IV.  They turn to my left arm, which is full of little small veins!  She finds one, puts it in, but unfortunately there was some kind of block, it won’t work.  So then, no kidding, the head director of nursing lady comes in and finds a vein in my left hand.  Oye, finally, 20 minutes later  I go to sleep!

Oh, but the fun has really only just begun!  After my surgery they bring me some dinner.  I start eating and begin to fill sick, but I try to keep eating because I know I need some nourishment.  Eventually I get to the point where I’m so nauseous I just have to lay down.  Because of feeling nauseous I really did not eat or drink much before I went to bed.  This is important to remember for what happens next. 

So throughout the night they had to wake me up about three times to check my vitals and all that fun stuff.  So needless to say I was quite exhausted. The third time they woke me up was to go and get an X-ray at 6am.  The nurse pushes me in my fancy state-of-the art wheelchair (Okay, maybe not) to the X-ray place.  I stand up for my X-ray and all of the sudden I start to feel very sick.  I say to the tech, “I feel like I’m going to get sick.”  So she has me sit down in the wheelchair.  Next thing I remember is her snapping her fingers at me.  Why?  Because I passed out.  Opps.  Come to find out I was dehydrated.  So I got some breakfast in me and they pumped me full of fluids.  They told me I might not get to go home because of this so I put on a good show.  I walked out to the nurses station a couple of times (my first time around I told them I came to do a song and dance for them and then my second time around I made sure to wave and smile at my nurse) and they decided to let me go home!  Hey, God didn’t give me such charm for nothing. J

Sure we had some bumps in the road.  But isn’t this life?   You see friends, God was with me, He was in charge.  At times I think we are tempted to believe that if things do not go well then God was not with us or He must not love us.  Oh friends, what a lie this is!  Just because we are following Jesus, this does not mean we will never suffer in this life.  Things will never go perfectly (Read about the life of Joseph and Job).  We must remember and even be intentional about looking for how God is moving in our imperfect lives that are filled with “bumps in the road.”  He is working and He loves us so very much.  I was blessed in so many ways during my time at the hospital with wonderful visitors and some very competent/compassionate nurses.   The way things worked out so quickly with the heart doctors was truly God.  Not to mention all of the people who told me they were praying for me, it truly made my heart feel good inside.  And you know what;  I’m okay, I’m still in one piece and I’m healing, I’m getting better. 

As I pray and reflect on my experience and am even tempted to believe lies about who God is in my life, I am constantly reminded of Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” 

Thank you Father for being with me throughout this whole process.  I look forward with great expectation and hope for the healing I will experience in body, heart, mind and soul.  My hope is that throughout all of this You were and will continue to be glorified.