Be Joyful Always

So as I am sitting here on the couch not feeling well at all I began to ponder what it really means to “be joyful always (1 Thess. 5:16) .”  You know, it’s wonderful to give God praise for the good things.  We should always be thankful and be a testimony to the wonderful blessings of God.  I’m not trying to knock anyone who gives God praise for the answered prayers and unexpected miracles.  In fact, I am very thankful Michael and I have gotten some answers to the quandary of my health woes, finding out I have a sluggish adrenal and thyroid gland.  This is wonderful and an answer to prayer! 

But here’s what I am thinking about and here’s what I’d like you to think about.  What about the times when life is difficult and things aren’t what we expected or hoped for?  Do we praise Him?  Do we thank Him?  Or do we become bitter and resentful? 

I know there have been times in the past when I have become bitter and resentful.  It’s okay to be honest with God about our feelings, but once we put it out there on the table the next vital step to healing is confessing our unbelief, asking Him to heal us.  Because He will heal us, if we would humbly come to Him.  I’ve seen Him do it in my heart.  And you know what else friends; He always answers our prayers (just not always the way we want).

Yes, life is still challenging for me.  My health is not what a 28 year olds should be.  I should be able to do more throughout the day without becoming exhausted, but I can’t.  This is a reality for me.  I can’t do the things I want to do quite yet, but that’s okay.  It really is.  And it’s okay for you too in your own challenges.  At least, it can be.  Jesus really will give us peace through the gracious power of the Holy Spirit.  Sometimes it takes a long time, and trust me it’s taken a lot of wrestling, prayer, confession, scripture memorization, and the choice to believe even when I don’t want too in this area of my life.  And this is just one part of my life!  It is truly a life long journey of allowing God to transform all of me and you for His glory and our benefit! 

I look forward to the day when my health is restored to me, but in the meantime I am choosing to rejoice and be glad!  I know my God is more than able to restore my health like I’ve never experienced, but even if He didn’t I know my God has done great things for me; far too many to count.  You know, that whole raising me to new life, cleansing me of every sin thing He did through His Son Jesus Christ? Yah, that’s a pretty big deal, and something to rejoice over!  Sure, I won’t experience it fully until I meet my Savior face to face, but this is why the Bible says “we live by faith, not by sight (2 Cor. 5:7).”  We’ve got to stop viewing our lives and the condition of the world through our own lenses.  Instead, we need to look at the world through God’s lenses, seeing the bigger picture of redemption through Jesus Christ in our lives and the world.  I don’t know about you, but this gives me hope and something to rejoice over!  When we really study the Bible we realize just how caring our Father is and how big of a plan He has for all of creation.

So even though my health isn’t good, I will rejoice in God my Savior, believing in His love for me.  I love what the book of Habukkuk says (I would actually recommend reading the whole book).  Habukkuk complains to God quite a bit throughout the book, but listen to the declaration of this prophet at the closing of the book. 

 

“Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.  The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.” Hab. 3:17-19

What about us?  Can we make this same declaration of faith?

Insecurity: The Need for More

"Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water." John 4:10

 

So I went on a bit of a blog breakJ.   I’ve been preparing for a Bible study at our church about the life of Joseph and it has taken a lot of my time and focus.  I’m pretty excited about it.  I hope to share some insights from it here on my blog!

On Saturday Michael and I took a quick trip down to St. Louis.  On the drive down I decided to do some reading.  I actually re-read a chapter out of a book I’ve been reading, I’ve found it to be so helpful as I prepare for the Bible study on Joseph.  The book is, From Dream to Destiny by Robert Morris, and is actually a book I’ve referred to in a recent post (Pacemaker: The Ups and Downs).  The chapter that I re-read out of the book was the chapter on pride and Morris mentions that he believes a lot of our pride comes from the “root of insecurity.”  He goes on to say, “If we take a closer look we can see something lying behind this sense of insecurity.  It is fear—fear that people won’t accept us or value us unless we know how great we are.  So we talk about ourselves in the hopes of being considered worthy of acceptance of others.”

Oye…I ran right into a wall.  I sat there for a moment and this thought went through my head: No, this wasn’t talking about me because I’d dealt with my issues already in seminary.  I heard a sermon yesterday where the pastor said we have a tendency to hear a message or read a scripture and immediately think it’s for someone else and never us.  If that’s you, if you are constantly seeing others instead of seeing yourself, I’m just going to be blunt, Satan has deceived you.  Stop looking at others and starting looking inward.  Let God work in you.  Let Him redeem you.  Let Him set you free.  We’ve all got unhealthy patterns that will take the journey of walking with Jesus to help heal.  Some things are healed in an instant but others will take years of walking with and surrendering to the Lord Jesus Christ. 

At least, this is what I am learning in my own journey.  Because as I sat there in the car and let this idea sink in a little further, it began to dawn on me that yes I had begun working through my own unhealthy issues of pride/insecurity/perfectionism in seminary but that didn’t mean it still didn’t rear its ugly head in other ways

You see, I’m a recovering perfectionist.  I cannot thank the Lord Jesus for the ways He has freed me from this.  He has buried so many lies in my life.  But if I could be honest for a moment, I know I’ve still got some issues to work through in this area.  They’ve probably always been there I just didn’t realize it until now, because I was a bit blind (that’s what pride and insecurity does).  But now, by the grace of God, my eyes have been opened to a greater Truth, a great freedom which is available to me and to you in Christ Jesus.  I think when Jesus sets you free in certain areas of your life; it opens you up to the Truth of your own heart.  Something that you were once blind too, you now see. 

Could it be that we really could be completely secure in the amazing reality that we are sons and daughters of the Upmost High King?  I think it could be.  No, I know it could be.  Identity is found in Jesus Christ and His relentless love for us, everything else is an exhausting empty pursuit.  When identity is found in Christ we will no longer need the accolades of others or have the desire to please everyone we meet.  We will know that the only person we have to please is our Heavenly Father who will always guide us in Truth. 

Gracious Father, there are many ways we have been blinded by insecurity and pride.  In your grace and power would you open our eyes to your Truth.  Father it’s here that we find true and lasting security in Christ Jesus.  No longer do we define ourselves by our externals, but by your Love.  We entrust this work to you and rejoice over the chains you will break in our own hearts.  Christ, be our one and only.  We love you.  We need your help to help us walk this journey of faith.  Thank you for never leaving us nor forsaking us.  Amen. 

 

I wonder how your eyes have been opened to a greater Truth in Christ Jesus?  I’d love to hear, please feel free to share!

The Holy Spirit: Untapped

Lately, I have been drawn to the book of Acts.  In reading the Words of this book of the Bible I am struck, utterly struck by the complete, unadulterated reliance the early church had on the Holy Spirit (you know, the third part of the Trinity that we hardly ever talk about) and their emphasis on authentic community.  These are both absolutely vital pieces to our life as a church!  My friends are we grieving the Holy Spirit or are we praying as an authentic community for the Holy Spirit to fall a fresh on us?  And I mean really fall on us; knock us over, can’t stand up and move on without being changed type of fall. 

God has greater works in store for us, but we cannot accomplish these on our own volition.  These are God-sized plans, which will take God-sized power.  In Zech. 4:6 we read, “'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty.”  Friends, it’s time to come together as a body of believers who grow in authentic community, being challenged and held accountable, growing in the Word and praying for a fresh outpouring of the Holy Spirit.    

What are we waiting for?  I do not know about you all but I'm praying for God's Holy Spirit to fall a fresh on me, our church communities, and world. 

What vision, what stirring is God doing within your own heart?  Does it seem impossible?  Maybe a little crazy?  Humbling?  Good.  It should. 

Think, this is a little much?  Radical perhaps?  Read the book of Acts and see how radical the early church was.  :)

Gracious Father, we pray for Your Holy Spirit to knock us over, to completely wreck us, so much that we cannot get up and move on without being changed.  We need your strength, on our own we cannot do it, but only by the Spirit's power.  Holy Spirit, fall a fresh on me!  Your power Lord God is made perfect in weakness!  We want to change and we want to make change for the sake of Jesus Christ, who died for all.  We are yours.  Father, grant us visions for you Kingdom.  Amen.

Potatoes and Faith

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Heb. 11:1

 Ok, so I’ve been back to the doctor again.  Why?  Because I keep hitting road blocks.  I feel a bit schizophrenic at times.  One week, I’m good, the next I’m fatigued.  Good news from the doctor, my heart is fine and so is the pacemaker.  Not so good news, doctor thinks it’s something else that’s making me so tired.  Ok, so we’ve got a bit of a challenge, but nothing my God cannot handle. 

You know, I’m beginning to wonder if that energy that I know I felt back in May was a gift from God, a taste of the healing that would come.  A taste that keeps me going and knowing there’s something better for me.  I hardly remember it now, but I know it was there and I believe in His timing it will return.  I was hoping it would have been by now.  I was thinking it would return in no time.  But it didn’t. 

This is truly a season in my life where I am being called to persevere in faith.  Can I tell you, I’ve been discovering just how small my faith in God really is.  God has shown me my impatience, my stubbornness, my just plain lack of faith.  I am beginning to realize that all the more as I walk this path of desiring to be well.  My life is on hold.  Yes, I want to get on with my life.  But right now, I’m called to persevere in faith, by the power of Christ in me believing God for better things yet to come.  But right here, right now God has some work to do in my heart, so I open my hands to Him so He can do the work of redemption He needs to do in my heart and life.

Faith is not something that comes overnight friends; it takes time, and sometimes even takes years to grow in a certain area.  I was thinking about the idea of faith and it reminded me of something that happened at dinner tonight.  Michael and I were hungry hippos for dinner tonight so instead of putting the baked potato in the oven and waiting the hour it would take to cook I decided to nuke it in the microwave.  In a matter of minutes it was done!  Now, I never do this.  Why?  Because the taste of a microwaved potato is just not the same compared to one in the oven, but alas, I did it, for the sake of convenience, hunger and downright impatience!

I don’t want a microwavable faith.  I want a faith that when I’m hungry, I wait with patient hope for what is real.  Not reaching for a quick fix, but only Jesus Christ to satisfy my needs.  Because I don’t want a microwaved potato that doesn’t taste as good, but a real potato that has cooked over time with a crispy exterior and a smooth buttery interior.  I want the same for my faith.  I want a faith that has grown over time, which produces something beautiful, resembling that of Jesus Christ.  But that means it going to be a journey.  It’s going to take time and struggle as I am emptied of the sin and filled to the fullness of the measure of God! 

You know, I believe I will be well.  During the month of August I’m going to pray for healing.  Would you pray with me?

Gracious Father, I want a faith that is grown over time.  I want a faith that when my heart yearns for something more in life, doesn’t reach for anything other than You.  I want to learn to be content; I want to grow in patient hope and prayer.  I want to speak with greater faith and hope when I think about the condition of my health.  Jesus, I want You.  Be glorified in me. I entrust this work to your never-ending grace Amen. 

His Compassions Never Fail

Throughout this pacemaker/ healing journey, I’ve been asking the Lord for patience, perseverance and hope.  I feel like yesterday I got a special blessing, an “I’ve got things under control reminder.”  I love those moments in our walk with JesusJ.     

As you all know, this journey has been a difficult one physically, spiritual and emotionally for me.  Yesterday I was so very blessed by the Lord as I sat down to read His Word on two separate occasions.  Both times I laid my Bible on my lap and opened it up to the same page, Lamentations Ch.3.  I meditated on and had memorized a part of this chapter in the past so I had some verses underlined in my Bible.  I re-read those verses and was reminded God’s love and greatness in my present circumstance.   Here’s what I read: Lam. 3:22-26

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;

therefore I will wait for him.”

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,

to the one who seeks him;

it is good to wait quietly

for the salvation of the Lord.

 I was greatly struck by v. 24 “I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”  The Author of Lamentations traditionally believed to be the prophet Jeremiah, more than likely penned this book after Jerusalem’s fall to Babylon.  This was a dark and hopeless time for God’s people, but the prophet Jeremiah had the faith to proclaim the Lord’s goodness even in the midst of such perilous times.  Today I am making a choice to be like Jeremiah and proclaim the Lord’s love and compassion until my hearts believes it.  God is all about redemption.  He’s all about taking broken messed up people like me and you and making us whole.  One day my body will see no decay.  One day I will have a heart that works without the aid of a pacemaker.  This is the everlasting hope we have in Jesus Christ. 

 Here’s the cool thing though.  When I opened my Bible later in the day and it randomly fell again to this very same passage I saw something that I didn’t take note of before. This time I looked up to v. 19-21. 

      I remember my affliction and my wandering,

the bitterness and the gall.

I well remember them,

and my soul is downcast within me.

Yet this I call to mind

              and therefore I have hope:

 Isn’t it marvelous that the Bible is full of real people who experienced real emotions!  I love it!  Yes, at times, when I recall all I’ve been through lately my soul becomes saddened, but here’s what hit me square in the head as I read this:  “Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope.”  What do I call to mind? Why do I have hope? Read v. 22-24 again.  The Lord’s love, compassions, and faithfulness.  So, when I or you put on our sad pants, it’s so utterly vital that we recall the Lord’s goodness and scriptures just like these.  Friends, I can tell you that I have quoted various scriptures and have not believed them in my heart but I think that by the gracious working of the Holy Spirit verses like these are starting to grow roots of faith and hope!  My heart is changing, in more ways than one, to the glory of God!   

Keep reading the Word.  Keep memorizing it.  Keep quoting the scriptures that speak to your own bitterness and pain.  Ask God to make them alive in you.  Don’t give up.  You have a mighty warrior fighting for you, the Lord Jesus Christ.  He will equip You with the strength to keep moving forward.  Fear not Beloved.  Fear not. 

Father of compassion and grace we thank You and praise You for who You are.  We believe You are at work, even in our darkness and pain.  Grant us the faith to persevere and the hope to keep moving forward with Your Son Jesus.  We remember our pain, but find hope in Your Word and faithfulness throughout our lives.  It no longer reigns over us, for we are consumed by Your great love.  Lord change us by Your Word and Spirit.  We love you.  Amen. 

Why?

Have you ever asked the question, why?  Why did this happen or why did that happen?  I have. 

Last week I was having a difficult time because I wasn’t feeling better and I didn’t understand why I wasn’t feeling better since it had been a full month since my surgery.  I was wrestling so much inside; I was frustrated.  I was so tired of being tired.  It was like all of the emotion I’ve felt from this whole process just hit the fan.  Emotionally, spiritually, and physically I was spent.  Perhaps you could say it was a bit of meltdown. J

I began to wonder why I had to endure this second surgery when after my first surgery I experienced all of the wonderful benefits of good health to have it only fade as quickly as it came.  My heart grieves deeply to admit this but as I allowed these questions to fester I began to feel anger in my heart towards God. 

Oye.  I don’t like it when that happens.   I suppose though, it is moments like these that show us the true condition of our hearts apart from relying on the promises of God revealed in scripture.  Sure, we all have questions, we will all have seasons of doubt, but where I went wrong in all of this was allowing those questions to fester and produce those roots of bitterness in my heart.  I have now repented and asked God to uproot that ugly roots of bitterness from my heart.

Satan, is such a liar and this is one of his tactics to keep us from true freedom in Jesus Christ.  I know you’ve heard the lies before.  Perhaps they go a little something like this:  If God really cared about you that never would have happened.  God’s not really working for your good.  You will always lose in life.  God really can’t be trusted.  You’re not worth being loved.

It is in those moments that we must, without hesitation, resist the Enemy and all of His lies and stand firm according to the Truth’s in scripture!  Because friends, God can be trusted.  Why?  Because I have seen His marvelous handiwork in my own life and in the lives of others.  I also know He can be trusted, most importantly, because of what His Word says about Him.

“The Lord reigns, he is robed in majesty;
the Lord is robed in majesty
and is armed with strength.
The world is firmly established;
it cannot be moved.” Ps. 93:1

Last week, I went on my own little path there for a while, and it wasn’t very fun.  It did me no good.  It got me nowhere.  It never will get us anywhere but trouble, confusion, and heartache. 

Yesterday as I came to the Lord seeking His face for renewal I read this: “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Gen. 50:20

This is actually a quote from Joseph. Joseph was a man who was treated unfairly by his family, but still remained true to God.  Friends, we may not understand why things happen or why our prayers don’t get answered the way we would like them, but this is what I know and hold fast too.  What you’ve endured or are enduring, if you’d let go of your vice grip like hold on it; will be used for good to accomplish God’s work.  Whether that work be in you personally or someone else; nothing goes in vain with God.  The greatest work that can be done in us is the work of becoming more like Jesus.  Trust me, this takes work, it means we must be broken and that is sometimes a long and painful process.

If nothing else, this time in my life has showed me all the more how much I need Jesus and how important it is to abide in Him.  The Enemy will always try to deter our hearts with lies as we pursue Truth.  We refute the Enemy through the Word of God and we live freely in Christ by abiding in His Word. 

As I reflect I know I have so much to be thankful for.  I’m alive.  My heart is beating.  I’m forgiven and free. 

Gracious Father, forgive me of my sin.  My heart needs Your grace.  Break me Lord.  How I long to live more freely in Christ.  Help me to always abide in Your Word and to learn the secret of being content in all circumstances.  Yes Lord, You will accomplish Your purpose for me.  I abandon myself to You, to Your plans, to Your goodness and mercy for me.  Amen.  

An Unmet Desire

I wish I could write a more uplifting blog on the 4^th of July but I guess that’s just not the reality of my heart right now.  I think people appreciate honesty and authenticity when it comes to life.  I don’t share these things because I want your pity, but because we can learn and grow from each other’s experiences.  My hope is that through my story, you would experience the reality of and grace of the Lord Jesus Christ.  So I’m not ashamed to admit that today has been a day where I’ve needed an extra measure of His grace.  Why?  Well, today was the day last year I had my miscarriage. 

 It’s hard to believe it’s been a year.  It’s gone by so very fast.  Today I am reminded, not only, of the grief I felt a year ago, but also of the unmet desire I have in my heart to have a child.  Has God healed my heart over this year?  Yes, He has and I thank Him for that.  The longing, though, is still there.   But the longing can and I think is being directed in a healthier way.  I am hoping and praying for a renewed perspective, a heart of deeper trust. 

Here’s what I’m learning though and maybe you can learn with me.   Our desires for good things, like babies, spouses, good health, a job you enjoy, etc. are not wrong to have.   It’s what we do with or who we go to with our unmet desires.  I was doing some thinking today about how often we go to certain things to either alleviate, medicate or bury an unmet desire.  It could be food.  People.  Hobbies.  Dreams.  And I as pondered the things I look too at times I realized what a vain pursuit they are; at least vain in my pursuit of happiness and wholeness (I didn’t even mean that as a 4^th July pun, but take it as such if you’d like).  Sure they can be good things and can even make ourselves feel better for a time but none of them can heal our hearts.  None of them can truly satisfy.  Can I just say that today that was very hard for me to admit, that having a child will not satisfy me, only Christ will.   It was hard because in admitting that it means I also have to admit I may never get the things I long for and that would be okay because I have Jesus.  I have prayed for God to make my heart completely His, to be made whole and satisfied only in Him.  I think He is and let me tell you, it’s not easy, it’s hard.  Letting go never is.  I know I write about this desire a lot, but it's a process for me, a continual surrender. 

I was doing my devotions this morning and I read this by Oswald Chambers in his book My Upmost for His Highest:  “Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him” (Ps. 37:7) until our own little world is turn upside down and we are forced to live in confusion and agony like so many other people.  Is it possible to “rest in the Lord” then?...Resting in the Lord is not depended on your external circumstances at all, but on your relationship with God Himself.” 

God is good, regardless of my unmet desire.  My circumstances do not determine His goodness.  Jesus is found more fully in the places of surrender, and it is here that we experience His rest and goodness. I am on a journey right now, a journey of growing in faith and of learning how to rest in the Lord (I am so bad at resting, if you’ve figured it out will you let me know).  I know this season will come to a close, and by the grace of God, I will look back on it and rejoice over all God has done in my heart and life.  But in the meantime I also want to rejoice and be glad because Christ is working right now.  As this season closes another one will open.  Lord Jesus, come what may. 

I wonder what your heart desires?   

Maybe you could say this with me:  Lord Jesus, really and truly, be my only desire.  I know you’ll heal my heart along the way.