Faith, Doubt, and Desiring a Sign

Have you ever had to be double sure about something?  It’s why double check we locked a door, turned off a stove, or take two pregnancy tests (not that I’ve done that…).  There’s something in us that isn’t easily persuaded, but drawn to skepticism and doubt. 

So when it comes to our relationship with God and this whole walking by faith thing, let’s just say it doesn’t always come easy.  Remember the story of Gideon? THE Angel of the Lord came to Gideon and told him, “Then the Lord turned to him and said, “Go in this might of yours, and you shall save Israel from the hand of the Midianites. Have I not sent you?” (Judges 6:14)  Gideon then goes on to talk about how small his clan is and how he is the least in this father’s house.  (Don’t you love it how God chooses the people who appear to be the weakest and least capable to do His mighty unexplainable work?)  Gideon then asks God for a sign, so God gives him a sign by consuming his sacrifice with fire.  Ok, so you think Gideon would be ready to rock n’ roll for God, right?  Nope, he’s still a skeptic.

What comes next is the part of the story I think we are a little more familiar with.  Gideon tests God with the fleece and not once, but twice.  Three times Gideon asks God for a sign and every time God showed up.  Now, I’m not one for testing God and I don’t believe God will always answer our prayers for a sign.  I believe the majority of the time He’s going to ask us to trust Him in faith, to wait, and watch for His hand of provision, like the Israelites who crossed the Red Sea (Ex. 14), the priest who carried the Ark of the Covenant across the Jordan River (Josh. 3:14-17), or the widow of Zarephath (1 Kings 17:7-16).  Don’t know the stories; look them up, God called these people to a pretty radical faith and I believe He’s calling us to the same kind of faith.  Sometimes God will show us a sign like Gideon and once He does, receive it as a gift and move forward with your God into the impossible.  However, don’t get upset if He doesn’t, stay close to Him, keep praying, seeking and believing.  Beloved, He is faithful to His Word.  Don’t forget, God used Gideon even though he was the least in his father’s family.  Do you feel weak?  I don’t have any doubt God can use you to do something mighty; He’s all about using people who think they can’t do it.  So, what is God calling you to?  It could be a place of service, a new career, forgiveness of those who’ve hurt you, or a place of deeper surrender in your marriage or family.  Obey Him in humility and dependence and just watch Him show off His great glory. 

Our Pregnancy Story and the Fear of Loss

So, it happened.  I got scared.  I became afraid of losing our baby boy.  I talked about this fear before due to my miscarriage and how I was sure it would happen again sometime throughout the pregnancy.  Well it did.  It happened.  A few things led up to it, things out of my control.  Things that happened to others around me and this conversation at the doctors office 5 weeks ago…

“We couldn’t get a good look at his heart, but everything else looks fine.  If you didn’t have your appointment with Dr. Abrams (the high risk doctor) in two weeks we would have to do another ultrasound.”   

Trust me people when you’re a gal with a cardiac history, open-heart surgery at 11, and a pacemaker at 28—this is not something you enjoy hearing about your baby during their 20 week appointment.  I wanted to hear about his heart.  I wanted to know he had his dad’s heart and not his mom’s, but I couldn’t know I would have to wait.  Jesus, I trust You.

Thankfully, we went to the high-risk doctor two weeks later and our hearts were put at ease as we learned that our baby’s heart looked wonderful.   Thank You Jesus.  Deep breath. 

Yet, within those two weeks of waiting I can recall being overwhelmed with fear for a couple of days.  While meeting with a dear friend of mine I shared this fear, and let me tell you this friend of mine she is a prayer warrior.  We prayed together over this fear, and it was as if right there in that room Jesus lifted the fear right off of me.  By God’s grace, it’s been about a month since then and I haven’t felt the fear since. 

It tells us in James 5:16, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

Now, I wonder how often we don’t share the pain of our hearts out of fear and pride.  Go with me here.   Asking for prayer means that we have to be vulnerable and open ourselves up to the fact that we are weak.  That takes guts to do sometimes doesn’t it? 

The longer I walk with Jesus, the more I realize how much I need the prayers of other people.  By God’s grace I’m learning just how powerful it is to admit my weakness and need for prayer.  We need both individual and communal prayer. 

How about you?  Are you asking others for prayer or burying the cries of your heart?