The Holy Spirit: Untapped

Lately, I have been drawn to the book of Acts.  In reading the Words of this book of the Bible I am struck, utterly struck by the complete, unadulterated reliance the early church had on the Holy Spirit (you know, the third part of the Trinity that we hardly ever talk about) and their emphasis on authentic community.  These are both absolutely vital pieces to our life as a church!  My friends are we grieving the Holy Spirit or are we praying as an authentic community for the Holy Spirit to fall a fresh on us?  And I mean really fall on us; knock us over, can’t stand up and move on without being changed type of fall. 

God has greater works in store for us, but we cannot accomplish these on our own volition.  These are God-sized plans, which will take God-sized power.  In Zech. 4:6 we read, “'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty.”  Friends, it’s time to come together as a body of believers who grow in authentic community, being challenged and held accountable, growing in the Word and praying for a fresh outpouring of the Holy Spirit.    

What are we waiting for?  I do not know about you all but I'm praying for God's Holy Spirit to fall a fresh on me, our church communities, and world. 

What vision, what stirring is God doing within your own heart?  Does it seem impossible?  Maybe a little crazy?  Humbling?  Good.  It should. 

Think, this is a little much?  Radical perhaps?  Read the book of Acts and see how radical the early church was.  :)

Gracious Father, we pray for Your Holy Spirit to knock us over, to completely wreck us, so much that we cannot get up and move on without being changed.  We need your strength, on our own we cannot do it, but only by the Spirit's power.  Holy Spirit, fall a fresh on me!  Your power Lord God is made perfect in weakness!  We want to change and we want to make change for the sake of Jesus Christ, who died for all.  We are yours.  Father, grant us visions for you Kingdom.  Amen.

Potatoes and Faith

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Heb. 11:1

 Ok, so I’ve been back to the doctor again.  Why?  Because I keep hitting road blocks.  I feel a bit schizophrenic at times.  One week, I’m good, the next I’m fatigued.  Good news from the doctor, my heart is fine and so is the pacemaker.  Not so good news, doctor thinks it’s something else that’s making me so tired.  Ok, so we’ve got a bit of a challenge, but nothing my God cannot handle. 

You know, I’m beginning to wonder if that energy that I know I felt back in May was a gift from God, a taste of the healing that would come.  A taste that keeps me going and knowing there’s something better for me.  I hardly remember it now, but I know it was there and I believe in His timing it will return.  I was hoping it would have been by now.  I was thinking it would return in no time.  But it didn’t. 

This is truly a season in my life where I am being called to persevere in faith.  Can I tell you, I’ve been discovering just how small my faith in God really is.  God has shown me my impatience, my stubbornness, my just plain lack of faith.  I am beginning to realize that all the more as I walk this path of desiring to be well.  My life is on hold.  Yes, I want to get on with my life.  But right now, I’m called to persevere in faith, by the power of Christ in me believing God for better things yet to come.  But right here, right now God has some work to do in my heart, so I open my hands to Him so He can do the work of redemption He needs to do in my heart and life.

Faith is not something that comes overnight friends; it takes time, and sometimes even takes years to grow in a certain area.  I was thinking about the idea of faith and it reminded me of something that happened at dinner tonight.  Michael and I were hungry hippos for dinner tonight so instead of putting the baked potato in the oven and waiting the hour it would take to cook I decided to nuke it in the microwave.  In a matter of minutes it was done!  Now, I never do this.  Why?  Because the taste of a microwaved potato is just not the same compared to one in the oven, but alas, I did it, for the sake of convenience, hunger and downright impatience!

I don’t want a microwavable faith.  I want a faith that when I’m hungry, I wait with patient hope for what is real.  Not reaching for a quick fix, but only Jesus Christ to satisfy my needs.  Because I don’t want a microwaved potato that doesn’t taste as good, but a real potato that has cooked over time with a crispy exterior and a smooth buttery interior.  I want the same for my faith.  I want a faith that has grown over time, which produces something beautiful, resembling that of Jesus Christ.  But that means it going to be a journey.  It’s going to take time and struggle as I am emptied of the sin and filled to the fullness of the measure of God! 

You know, I believe I will be well.  During the month of August I’m going to pray for healing.  Would you pray with me?

Gracious Father, I want a faith that is grown over time.  I want a faith that when my heart yearns for something more in life, doesn’t reach for anything other than You.  I want to learn to be content; I want to grow in patient hope and prayer.  I want to speak with greater faith and hope when I think about the condition of my health.  Jesus, I want You.  Be glorified in me. I entrust this work to your never-ending grace Amen. 

His Compassions Never Fail

Throughout this pacemaker/ healing journey, I’ve been asking the Lord for patience, perseverance and hope.  I feel like yesterday I got a special blessing, an “I’ve got things under control reminder.”  I love those moments in our walk with JesusJ.     

As you all know, this journey has been a difficult one physically, spiritual and emotionally for me.  Yesterday I was so very blessed by the Lord as I sat down to read His Word on two separate occasions.  Both times I laid my Bible on my lap and opened it up to the same page, Lamentations Ch.3.  I meditated on and had memorized a part of this chapter in the past so I had some verses underlined in my Bible.  I re-read those verses and was reminded God’s love and greatness in my present circumstance.   Here’s what I read: Lam. 3:22-26

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;

therefore I will wait for him.”

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,

to the one who seeks him;

it is good to wait quietly

for the salvation of the Lord.

 I was greatly struck by v. 24 “I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”  The Author of Lamentations traditionally believed to be the prophet Jeremiah, more than likely penned this book after Jerusalem’s fall to Babylon.  This was a dark and hopeless time for God’s people, but the prophet Jeremiah had the faith to proclaim the Lord’s goodness even in the midst of such perilous times.  Today I am making a choice to be like Jeremiah and proclaim the Lord’s love and compassion until my hearts believes it.  God is all about redemption.  He’s all about taking broken messed up people like me and you and making us whole.  One day my body will see no decay.  One day I will have a heart that works without the aid of a pacemaker.  This is the everlasting hope we have in Jesus Christ. 

 Here’s the cool thing though.  When I opened my Bible later in the day and it randomly fell again to this very same passage I saw something that I didn’t take note of before. This time I looked up to v. 19-21. 

      I remember my affliction and my wandering,

the bitterness and the gall.

I well remember them,

and my soul is downcast within me.

Yet this I call to mind

              and therefore I have hope:

 Isn’t it marvelous that the Bible is full of real people who experienced real emotions!  I love it!  Yes, at times, when I recall all I’ve been through lately my soul becomes saddened, but here’s what hit me square in the head as I read this:  “Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope.”  What do I call to mind? Why do I have hope? Read v. 22-24 again.  The Lord’s love, compassions, and faithfulness.  So, when I or you put on our sad pants, it’s so utterly vital that we recall the Lord’s goodness and scriptures just like these.  Friends, I can tell you that I have quoted various scriptures and have not believed them in my heart but I think that by the gracious working of the Holy Spirit verses like these are starting to grow roots of faith and hope!  My heart is changing, in more ways than one, to the glory of God!   

Keep reading the Word.  Keep memorizing it.  Keep quoting the scriptures that speak to your own bitterness and pain.  Ask God to make them alive in you.  Don’t give up.  You have a mighty warrior fighting for you, the Lord Jesus Christ.  He will equip You with the strength to keep moving forward.  Fear not Beloved.  Fear not. 

Father of compassion and grace we thank You and praise You for who You are.  We believe You are at work, even in our darkness and pain.  Grant us the faith to persevere and the hope to keep moving forward with Your Son Jesus.  We remember our pain, but find hope in Your Word and faithfulness throughout our lives.  It no longer reigns over us, for we are consumed by Your great love.  Lord change us by Your Word and Spirit.  We love you.  Amen. 

Why?

Have you ever asked the question, why?  Why did this happen or why did that happen?  I have. 

Last week I was having a difficult time because I wasn’t feeling better and I didn’t understand why I wasn’t feeling better since it had been a full month since my surgery.  I was wrestling so much inside; I was frustrated.  I was so tired of being tired.  It was like all of the emotion I’ve felt from this whole process just hit the fan.  Emotionally, spiritually, and physically I was spent.  Perhaps you could say it was a bit of meltdown. J

I began to wonder why I had to endure this second surgery when after my first surgery I experienced all of the wonderful benefits of good health to have it only fade as quickly as it came.  My heart grieves deeply to admit this but as I allowed these questions to fester I began to feel anger in my heart towards God. 

Oye.  I don’t like it when that happens.   I suppose though, it is moments like these that show us the true condition of our hearts apart from relying on the promises of God revealed in scripture.  Sure, we all have questions, we will all have seasons of doubt, but where I went wrong in all of this was allowing those questions to fester and produce those roots of bitterness in my heart.  I have now repented and asked God to uproot that ugly roots of bitterness from my heart.

Satan, is such a liar and this is one of his tactics to keep us from true freedom in Jesus Christ.  I know you’ve heard the lies before.  Perhaps they go a little something like this:  If God really cared about you that never would have happened.  God’s not really working for your good.  You will always lose in life.  God really can’t be trusted.  You’re not worth being loved.

It is in those moments that we must, without hesitation, resist the Enemy and all of His lies and stand firm according to the Truth’s in scripture!  Because friends, God can be trusted.  Why?  Because I have seen His marvelous handiwork in my own life and in the lives of others.  I also know He can be trusted, most importantly, because of what His Word says about Him.

“The Lord reigns, he is robed in majesty;
the Lord is robed in majesty
and is armed with strength.
The world is firmly established;
it cannot be moved.” Ps. 93:1

Last week, I went on my own little path there for a while, and it wasn’t very fun.  It did me no good.  It got me nowhere.  It never will get us anywhere but trouble, confusion, and heartache. 

Yesterday as I came to the Lord seeking His face for renewal I read this: “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Gen. 50:20

This is actually a quote from Joseph. Joseph was a man who was treated unfairly by his family, but still remained true to God.  Friends, we may not understand why things happen or why our prayers don’t get answered the way we would like them, but this is what I know and hold fast too.  What you’ve endured or are enduring, if you’d let go of your vice grip like hold on it; will be used for good to accomplish God’s work.  Whether that work be in you personally or someone else; nothing goes in vain with God.  The greatest work that can be done in us is the work of becoming more like Jesus.  Trust me, this takes work, it means we must be broken and that is sometimes a long and painful process.

If nothing else, this time in my life has showed me all the more how much I need Jesus and how important it is to abide in Him.  The Enemy will always try to deter our hearts with lies as we pursue Truth.  We refute the Enemy through the Word of God and we live freely in Christ by abiding in His Word. 

As I reflect I know I have so much to be thankful for.  I’m alive.  My heart is beating.  I’m forgiven and free. 

Gracious Father, forgive me of my sin.  My heart needs Your grace.  Break me Lord.  How I long to live more freely in Christ.  Help me to always abide in Your Word and to learn the secret of being content in all circumstances.  Yes Lord, You will accomplish Your purpose for me.  I abandon myself to You, to Your plans, to Your goodness and mercy for me.  Amen.  

An Unmet Desire

I wish I could write a more uplifting blog on the 4^th of July but I guess that’s just not the reality of my heart right now.  I think people appreciate honesty and authenticity when it comes to life.  I don’t share these things because I want your pity, but because we can learn and grow from each other’s experiences.  My hope is that through my story, you would experience the reality of and grace of the Lord Jesus Christ.  So I’m not ashamed to admit that today has been a day where I’ve needed an extra measure of His grace.  Why?  Well, today was the day last year I had my miscarriage. 

 It’s hard to believe it’s been a year.  It’s gone by so very fast.  Today I am reminded, not only, of the grief I felt a year ago, but also of the unmet desire I have in my heart to have a child.  Has God healed my heart over this year?  Yes, He has and I thank Him for that.  The longing, though, is still there.   But the longing can and I think is being directed in a healthier way.  I am hoping and praying for a renewed perspective, a heart of deeper trust. 

Here’s what I’m learning though and maybe you can learn with me.   Our desires for good things, like babies, spouses, good health, a job you enjoy, etc. are not wrong to have.   It’s what we do with or who we go to with our unmet desires.  I was doing some thinking today about how often we go to certain things to either alleviate, medicate or bury an unmet desire.  It could be food.  People.  Hobbies.  Dreams.  And I as pondered the things I look too at times I realized what a vain pursuit they are; at least vain in my pursuit of happiness and wholeness (I didn’t even mean that as a 4^th July pun, but take it as such if you’d like).  Sure they can be good things and can even make ourselves feel better for a time but none of them can heal our hearts.  None of them can truly satisfy.  Can I just say that today that was very hard for me to admit, that having a child will not satisfy me, only Christ will.   It was hard because in admitting that it means I also have to admit I may never get the things I long for and that would be okay because I have Jesus.  I have prayed for God to make my heart completely His, to be made whole and satisfied only in Him.  I think He is and let me tell you, it’s not easy, it’s hard.  Letting go never is.  I know I write about this desire a lot, but it's a process for me, a continual surrender. 

I was doing my devotions this morning and I read this by Oswald Chambers in his book My Upmost for His Highest:  “Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him” (Ps. 37:7) until our own little world is turn upside down and we are forced to live in confusion and agony like so many other people.  Is it possible to “rest in the Lord” then?...Resting in the Lord is not depended on your external circumstances at all, but on your relationship with God Himself.” 

God is good, regardless of my unmet desire.  My circumstances do not determine His goodness.  Jesus is found more fully in the places of surrender, and it is here that we experience His rest and goodness. I am on a journey right now, a journey of growing in faith and of learning how to rest in the Lord (I am so bad at resting, if you’ve figured it out will you let me know).  I know this season will come to a close, and by the grace of God, I will look back on it and rejoice over all God has done in my heart and life.  But in the meantime I also want to rejoice and be glad because Christ is working right now.  As this season closes another one will open.  Lord Jesus, come what may. 

I wonder what your heart desires?   

Maybe you could say this with me:  Lord Jesus, really and truly, be my only desire.  I know you’ll heal my heart along the way. 

Sitting at His Feet

“Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:42

I have had a lot of time lately to just sit.  This is time that I would not normally have, but I’ve been given a gift; the gift of time.  Do you know what I’ve discovered in the quiet?  I need Him.  I need Him desperately. We all do.

I believe we all need time to get away, to be alone, and to work out some things with the Lord.  If nothing else, just to sit at His feet and be lavished by His Love!  To be nourished by His Word and Spirit.  To do the very things are souls were created to do, to worship Him.  We are foolish to think our souls don’t get a little messy at times.  In fact, the more I realize my need for Jesus, the more I see my own depravity and propensity towards sin.  It’s a beautiful thing really.  Jesus continues to show me the places in my heart that need some work; the lack of love, the selfishness, the pride, etc.  You’re probably wondering how this can be beautiful.  It’s beautiful because it is here that redemption and restoration begins as we realize just how frail we are. We finally step aside, and Jesus takes His place and Jesus is more than welcome to be our all-sufficient Savior!  We cannot do it alone.  It’s time to lose ourselves completely to Jesus Christ.  Are you ready to be lost so you can be found?  I am.  And I’m not talking about salvation here, though I could be, but I’m talking about a lifelong journey of losing ourselves to the Lover of our souls.  As God reveals each piece, we surrender, so that He can put the puzzle pieces together to make a beautiful mosaic.  That beautiful mosaic is who you are in Christ.   

Stop.  Did you hear me…I said stopJ.  Slow down.  Sit at His feet. Take time.  Be alone.  Be changed. 

Lord Jesus, You alone are our all-sufficient Savior.  Take our feeble efforts to follow You and grant us the strength and courage to soar on wings like eagles.  Fill our hearts with eternal praises; for You have surrounded us with songs of deliverance!  Jesus, we surrender…all.  Be glorified in us.  Amen.   

Pacemaker: Surgery #2

You know, I never seem to do things easilyJ.  I suppose it’s these times in my life that make me who I am.  Right?  This experience at the hospital was different from the first but also similar in many ways.  I didn’t sleep like last time, but this time I didn’t faint.  We ran into the obstacles like the last experience but this time it was different, this time I had much more peace about it. 

The first and biggest obstacle was that the surgery did not fix the twitching issue.  I remember feeling the sensation again after the surgery, but I didn’t freak out or get upset.  Why?  Well, I believe because there were a lot of people praying for me and I took a different perspective on this hospital visit than the first, if you’ll remember from my last post I talked about allowing Christ to be my strength instead of me trying to be strong.  I really think this helped. 

But, I told my doctor I was having the issue again and he wanted me to just give it a little time because he thought for sure the surgery would have fixed the problem.  So we did, but then came obstacle #2.  I kept setting off the alarm at the nurses’ station!  I actually set it off three times.  Something in my pacemaker made my heart beat jump up after I would make a slight movement in my bed.  I would reposition myself in my bed and all of the sudden my heart would be up around 100-130 or so.  My nurse runs in and asks me if I’m okay and I was, but I felt the twitching much more during these episodes; it became more like a pounding sensation than a twitch that I could actually feel out of my chest. 

So after 3 times of this my nurse convinced my doctor at 10:30 pm to send someone from the pacemaker device clinic.  So this nice looking man came in and played around with my pacemaker on the computer and got it so it wouldn’t race anymore when I made a slight movement.  He tried to work out the twitching problem, but said a couple of his colleagues and the doctor would be in in the morning to see what we could do.  The doctor came in and he wanted to run some extra tests to see if my heart had enlarged like it did when I was 11 and that might be part of the problem.  Thankfully it hadn’t.  The right side was a bit larger but nothing to be concerned about.  So after some more playing around with the pacemaker on their little computer we got the pacemaker to a place where I no longer felt the twitching.  At least, I didn’t at the time.  I actually do feel it still when I lay down at times but it is faint and nothing compared to what it was.  However, my doctor said if it continued he would have to consult other doctors on this because he was stumped.  One of the device guys said I might be feeling it because I’m so young and have good nerves.  I don’t know.  Right now, I'm just going to tell him, I'll live with it! 

I’m thankful I was able to still go home the day after the surgery.  I’m still a bit tired but I can see myself gaining a little more strength each day.  I also do not have near the pain or swelling I have the first time.  This definitely makes things easier!  I’m hoping that within the next two weeks or so I’ll be back to experiencing the same levels of energy and alertness I was a few weeks ago when things were going well.

Michael and I greatly appreciate your prayers.  I truly believe prayer is powerful and does something!  God has been so good to us.  I can’t wait to be Andrea again…and even a better Andrea than before because God has taught me and done so much over the past few months in my heart and life.  I’m excited.  Whatever happens in my life, good or bad, I know He’s in control and I can trust Him along the way…even when surgeries don’t fix things.  J To God be the glory!