The State of My Health Address: Pressing On

In my last blog I wrote about the roadblocks I had been experiencing in my own journey to good health.  Needless to say, it was a very difficult, trying, discouraging week and a half or so. BUT the awesome, amazing, super cool thing is—I am now feeling well.  Like really pretty well.  Now, I don’t want to get my hopes up and get ahead of myself, because I’ve totally done that over this past year, but I really think I’ve scaled another barrier (*Update as of 3/31/13 I did have a setback shortly after I wrote this for a few days, during this time I was reminded of this blog, what it means to trust God and seek out His glory in our pain).  This past weekend I walked more than I have walked in almost a year and did surprisingly very well, plus for the past week, I’ve slept great, felt strength in my body and have had energy.  My birthday was yesterday and let me tell you, what a great birthday this has been.  Because when you haven’t felt well for so long, when you long to do and enjoy the things you once did and you’re body finally begins to feel better, let me tell you, it is an absolutely wonderful feeling.  On this health journey, I’ve had many highs and lows.  This is a high, thanks be to God!

I have been doing a lot of reflecting on this time in my life to see what the Lord might be trying to speak to me (nothing happens in vain friends, God is always at work!). Here’s what I have been thinking about…sometimes things have to get worse before they get better.  This has totally been true for me over this past year.  Remember the cleanse I did, eesh, that was rough but after it I experienced some very marked improvements in my health.  Oh, but then I started doing more this past month when softball practice started.  That’s when the couldn’t sleep, waking up in the middle of the night being dehydrated stuff got really bad.  Yah, not fun.  You know this is partly why I didn’t even try working out or even really walking that much over the past few months, because I would get so exhausted, wouldn’t sleep well and would be just plain hungry and thirsty all the time.  So, I avoided it…like the plague.  However, once softball started, there was no avoiding it, I had to face it like a (wo)man.  Yes, it was difficult, painful, confusing, discouraging, and frustrating to go through but the great part is I am actually feeling much better.

So here’s what has been swirling around in my little head (I little frightening I know), I wonder how often we avoid the difficult things in our lives because it’s too difficult, painful, confusing, discouraging, and frustrating.  It could be a relationship (friendship/spouse/family/etc.) in your life that instead of working at you just avoid because it’s “easier” or it could be a weight loss goal, an area of sin, the abuse you experienced as a child, that spiritual battle you’ve grown weary in.  Friends, sometimes (and I’d argue most times) in order for us and others to experience healing, wholeness, and just something better it will get worse before it gets better (i.e. think the death of Christ)! 

Sure, it may be “easier” to avoid, but it only keeps us in our cycles of defeat, so in reality it is not easy at all, it’s quite burdensome.  Fear is an awful thing.  Many of us don’t dig through the junk in our own hearts, relationships, marriages, and families because of this one little thing called, fear.  We stop pursing our goals in life, whether that be weight loss or something else, because the fear of failure, disappointment, or we just do not believe we are worth something better.  IF we started working on things, pursuing Truth, and seeking godly counsel—our world, our places of safety would crumble.  Yet, that’s where healing begins, but that’s scary (like a dog chasing after you scary). 

The longer I walk this journey, the more I realize just how awesome our God is and how much freedom He has for us through His Son Jesus Christ.  The more I walk in the Holy Spirit, living an abandoned, authentic life concerning my sin; I find I have more power to walk in victory with Jesus.  You better believe there is something far better for you in this life.  Beloved, the Lord Jesus not only goes with you, but before you.  You can trust Him.  Pursue authenticity, and don’t be afraid to go to those painful, scary places.  You are worth it!  The more you avoid them, the more chained and controlled by them you become.  Instead of bowing to them, bow to the Lord Jesus.  And don’t you give up the fight when it gets tough, because it will.  You push through and press in to the Lord Jesus Christ in ways like never before, relying on His Spirit, believing in His Word!  “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.” (Eph. 1:3)

Gracious Father, in this life we will suffer.  Who are we to think that we are exempt from suffering, as Christ suffered, so shall we.  Lord, may we bear in our bodies the markings of the Lord Jesus Christ, who suffered and died so we could be free.  Forgive us when we stay in defeat because we are too afraid to trust You with the unknown.  Grant us the courage to trust You, even when it gets worse before it gets better.  There is much more for us in Christ.   Father, we believe, we love you, be exalted.  Amen. 

The State of My Health Address: Road Blocks

My health.  Oh my health.  How do I describe it?  I get a little better and then I hit a road block, I get a little better and then I hit another little road block…it goes on and on and on. 

A month or so ago I was doing really well.  I was making some really great progress concerning my adrenal/thyroid glands.  However, lately I have taken a couple of steps back.  I have been doing more now that softball season has begun and I am coaching, unfortunately it seems like my body is just not wanting to cooperate with the extra I have put on it.  My adrenal glands are in need of some rebuilding and unfortunately they cannot keep up with the extra things I have been doing.  So because of that I haven’t been sleeping well at all.  I get up in the middle of the night and wake up absolutely dehydrated (it’s an adrenal gland thing, I’d be happy to tell you about it sometime if you’d like).  It gets a little annoying.  Needless to say, I’ve been a wee bit cranky.  I miss having energy.  This has been one of the longest seasons of my life.  I often wonder when this season of health struggles will end.  I’ve got so many things I long to do and be.  I long to be a mother, to work more fully into my calling, and to just enjoy life and the things I used too more.    

I have blogged before about how vital it is for me to grieve and let go during this health journey.  I recently started reading a book (N.T. Wright, Recovering from Loses in Life) to better equip me to be able to minister to those in their own grief, and I have found that it is actually ministering to me…quite a bit.  Funny how that happens, isn’t it? J  In the book a woman shares about her own experience with the loss of her daughter’s health.  This woman’s daughter later got better and in her reflection she shares this, “Although I am so very thankful for her health, I still spent time that morning grieving over the fun times I hadn’t realized we had lost (Wright, 15).” 

In ways I have lost some things; I have lost out on fun times, I have unfulfilled dreams, I’ve lost time, etc..  Yes, I have lost some things, but the amazing beautiful part is that my dreams/time/health is not lost, nor I am forgotten in my own pain and longing.  I find so much comfort and hope in the fact that my God is a God of redemption and grace.  As I think and grieve about the longings of my heart the Lord continues to remind of Joel 2:25a, “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten…” 

Do you find there is some stigma attached to grief? I do.  I do not think we realize just how much we really need to grieve.  It’s nothing to be afraid of.  No, it’s something to be embraced, because it’s how we move on.  Grief is a lifelong thing and sometimes we will have to grieve the same thing more than once, but that’s okay because it does get better, it does get easier.  The Lord Jesus has helped me so much in my own process of grief and I know He wants to help you too.  So today, I am grieving (again) my own unfulfilled hopes and dreams, a long season of health problems, and an empty womb.  What about you?  What do you need to grieve and give to Jesus?  A loss of a job?  A marriage?  A longing to be married?  A unfulfilled dream?  A wayward family member?

A dear friend asked me the other day what I believed the Lord was teaching me throughout this time.  I told her I thought He was teaching me “Be still, and know that I am God.” (Ps. 46:10) Yep, He is in control.  He is completely, totally, without question…LOVE.  I can trust Him.  I am confident God has done a work in my own heart through this season of health problems.  How do I know?  Because I feel different, thank You Jesus!  My heart isn’t wrestling as much as it used too, there’s peace there that was not there before.  For that I am forever grateful.  Whatever happens in me, may it always be for the glory of God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit! 

Let’s pray this prayer together:  Gracious, Loving, merciful Father when our world is shaking all around us, when we have unfulfilled longings, when our health, marriages, friends fail us; YOU WILL NOT.  Strengthen us Lord to trust in Your goodness for us and help us to grieve.  We love you and believe in Your redemptive grace.  In the strong and powerful Name of Jesus we pray, amen.