Monday, November 26, 2012

The State of my Health Address: Setbacks

Living a life of faith and trust in God is tough, especially when things do not go your way.  Yes?  Now, could it be that God does not always give us what we want because He wants us to learn what it really means to walk by faith, to truly trust Him, and in doing so become more abandoned to Him?  Yah, I think so.  Stubborn people like me though do not give up easily, but the more I walk this journey the more I realize I cannot do it on my own.  I need Him. 

A few weeks ago I had more energy and was starting to feel better.  This was a great feeling.  I think I got ahead of myself though, well, I know I got ahead of myself and I overdid it.  It’s tough when you feel like you’re getting better because you want it just to snowball and snowball and snowball until you have the greatest most enormous snowball ever created (Well, at least that how my mind works).  But after that week of doing too much, I had a week where I just had to take time to recover because I was exhausted.  I felt like I had taken a step or two backwards and this only reminded me of how far I have to go on this journey of healing. 

I never would have thought I’d be at this place.  I’ve always been active.  I have, for the most part, always been able to do the things I want or need to do. I’ve always felt in control (Hmm…maybe that’s the issue).  I had a friend ask me one time in college what I would do when I get older, considering I liked to work out and run so much.  I said to her, well I will probably always do something, like walking, even when I am old.  Wow, well, God has definitely had other plans for me.  (Last blog update I talked about letting go of running).
I find this frustrating at times.  Why?  Because I want, but I just plain can’t have what I want, my body will not do what I want it to do.  I am not used to this.  So, I could crawl in my own little pit of pity and despair, complaining and grumbling because my life is not what I want it to be.  Nope.  Not me.  No more.  (Unfortunately, I have spent some time in this pit, and I don’t like it, it’s no fun and it does not get me anywhere but bitter and disappointed).  Words of wisdom: DO NOT go in this pit, put up the yellow caution tape, do whatever you have to do, but DO NOT go in this pit it is U-G-L-Y.  (Trust me, you will thank me later). J

I recently prepared a lesson I gave over Thanksgiving and in it I talked about the importance of having God’s perspective as opposed to our own little small me perspective.  It’s interesting how God usually gives us a message to impart to others that He is actually working in us to accomplish.  Yep, I am asking the Lord to change my perspective.  You know, until recently I have really felt at peace about my health and where I am at.  But after this week of recovery I found myself in a bit of a different state.

As I prayed and complained about this to the Lord asking for mercy, healing, and a faster recovery I kept hearing this verse come to my mind “Then the Lord said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to me” Tell the Israelites to move on.” (Exodus 14:15)

Sigh. Ok Lord, I know, I get it, and I repent; no more complaining. It’s time to move on in faith (with Your help of course).

Our perspective really does make a difference.  I am asking God to give me His perspective when it comes to my health because if I do not live from His perspective I am going to be one sad kid.  His perspective tells me:  He has a plan.  I can trust Him. He is working in me for His glory and my good.  Through suffering and perseverance He is building the character of His Son in me.  He has done great things for me, and deserves my praise. Eternity is what matters, not the temporal.  Jesus endured and because He endured, through Him, I can too. Etc..

So as I continue to walk this road towards healing and you too walk your own path of healing maybe we can learn from each other.  I am learning just how small my faith is and how prone I am to wanting my own way.  So once again, I have got to lay it down.  So that is what I will do.  I will choose to believe, and I will choose to thank Him in advance.  Speaking words of faith instead of doubt, praise instead of complaining.  Relying not on my own power but the power of Christ in me.  Believing that through these acts of surrender He will restore my heart, my joy, my peace in Him. Because deep down inside I know He is working for my good, and I also know He has done so much for me it’s truly amazing.  He deserves my ceaseless praise, even if my life is not what I want or expect.  And even if He never did one more thing for me, I would still praise Him, why?  Because even though I don’t deserve it He willingly sent His Son for me and for you out of His amazing love and that my friends is worthy of praise.     

There’s a reason why I am still working through all of my health issues, God has got some character transformation to do in me and that’s a wonderfully beautiful thing. So once again I’ll submit.  I’ll let go. 

Gracious Father, I thank You and praise You for all You’ve done for me.  You have been gracious, loving, and more than patient with me.  Forgive me of my lack of faith and of wanting my own way.  Lord, I submit to the plans You have for me, though they may not be my plans, I believe they are for my good and most importantly Your glory.  I am not my own.  I am Yours.  As Mary responded to the Angel, so I respond:  “I am the Lord’s servant, Mary answered. “May it be to me as you have said.” Luke 1:38

How do you keep a positive perspective when life gets tough?  What is God doing in your own journey with Him?

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