Monday, April 22, 2013

The State of My Health Addressed: Renewal

Right after I wrote my last blog I actually reverted back and had difficultly sleeping again.  If I could be honest for a moment, reverting back was not easy and I would have to admit that lately I’ve felt a bit, well, dry and just taxed in many ways.  When you physically do not feel well it just makes it that much harder to focus—physically, spiritually, and emotionally.  Thankfully, I met with my holistic specialist and she put me on a new herbal tonic to help support my adrenals and finally for the first time in a couple of months I have slept each night through for the past week and a half.  Thank you Jesus.  In numerous ways, this is big a relief. 

During this season in my life I have felt an array of emotions ranging from frustration to peace, hope to sadness, heartache to trust, exhaustion to joy, etc.  I’d like to say I’ve felt nothing but faith, hope, and peace on this journey, but then I’d be lying. You know, I think it is okay to admit to God how we are really feeling (I’ve blogged about that before).  We need too, because it’s real and God can handle it.  He really can.  Sometimes we just don’t have it all together and we need to fall apart for a while.  So today, I’m asking Jesus to break me and make me whole in Him.  I’m also asking for your prayers because I’m realizing, I think as we all should, that we need the prayers of community.

I am so very glad for the times God has given me on this journey where I have felt well because they do grant me hope and I am definitely better than I was a year ago. For that I am forever grateful.  I believe one day I will be well.  Yet, I’m learning my ultimate hope has to come from the sovereignty of God.  Because when these good times do come, to only fade, I find myself going through a grieving process all over again.  His glory is at stake and at work in this moment in my life, and if He would get more glory out of me being well today, then I would be.  Sometimes I wonder if I’m really walking this out in such a way that brings Him glory.  I hope so.  I know this life is not about me, it’s about Him.  I trust Him, I do, yet sometimes I have to shout this truth because my emotions don’t always feel it.  That’s the battle, isn’t it?  The battle of our faith?  Overcoming the lies, the self-defeat, and self-sufficiency.  Some may say it is selfish of God to seek glory.  No, because He is worthy, and perfect, completely just.  He is God after all.  It is selfish for me to want what I want and want it now; unless it’s His glory of course.  I do want Him to be glorified in me and if this is what it takes, then Gracious Father, have Your way. 

I know I’m not the only person who has ever felt tired, spent, or dry.  I need to take a timeout and get renewed.  That’s what I need and that’s what I’m planning.  Friends, we’ve got to make time for renewal because otherwise it doesn’t happen.  We will continue on in our overwhelmingly busy lives, full of noise, and vain things to fill our cup—without taking the time to do the soul work we so desperately need.  I need the Lord Jesus to fill my cup and give me new energy to keep moving forward on my journey.  I am so thankful for Jesus in my life.  Yes, Jesus is sufficient for me, for all.  How might you need Him today?   Even when I feel mad, sad, and discouraged there is something so marvelous about the Lord Jesus, something about the Holy Word of God that ignites my soul with hope to once again keep moving forward.  My cup is filled, I am nourished, and find the strength I need through His never-ending all sufficiency--to trust, to obey, to worship His Holy Name in the midst of my struggle.  Glory to God!

May we all find comfort and renewal in the Words of Jesus:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.   For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matt. 11:28-30

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