The State of My Health Address: A Time Out

So I don’t want to jump the gun because I feel like I have done that a few times in the recent months, BUT I feel like I have made some small steps in the right direction concerning my health (go here and here if you don't know what's been going on).  Yipee for small steps!  I used to want BIG steps, but I have come to the realization (by the grace of God) that this is going to be a journey and obviously God has some work to do in my heart which is going to take some time.  My responsibility is to be open to the work He wants to do and not try to rush it! 

In some ways I feel like I’m in a bit of a timeout.  The things I used to do and enjoy I don’t do any more; I just can’t, at least not right now.  In fact, I was thinking the other day about  how I used to run all the time and realized I have not run consistently for almost 2 years.  Over these two years there have been moments on this journey where I have missed running and being active.  It was such a huge part of my life, but in ways God has brought me to this place where I have had to say, I may never run again (for those of you who know me, you know this is not easy for me to admit).  This has been a very recent and somewhat painful discovery.  In some ways I feel like I have to grieve, maybe that sounds odd to you but I think when we finally let go of the things that have been a part of our lives for so long we go through a process of grieving.  Maybe you know what I’m talking about?  You see, running/being active cannot be my goal in getting better.  I know for a while it was definitely one of my goals in getting better and God has been so gracious to show me otherwise:). 

I just feel like I’m on this journey where God is showing me where my true delight must be found.  It must be found in Him.  Not these external things or hopes I have went too to fill up my cup in the past.  You bet I used running as a tool to fill up my cup, and in many ways it was an unhealthy tool.  So here I am, at a place where I am realizing my life is not my own.  My pursuits in life are vain without Christ.  I’m being broken and what an amazing, transforming, painful place it is. 

 

A while back I prayed a prayer where I asked to the Lord to break me.  I really think He is.  Yes, this has been one of the most difficult seasons of my life, but in this season where I am being stripped of so many things I have experienced the risen Christ in ways like never before.  I do not know how to explain it any other way but—GOD.  My heart is at rest in ways like I have never known before.  Sure I get discouraged at times, but my heart finds great comfort in His Word:

“for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” Phil. 1:19-21 

Here’s my encouragement to you all.  Pray that prayer.  Pray that God would break you.  You will be amazed at the things God will start to do.  He will start taking away your “control”, He will start crumbling your walls of self-protection and He will start filling you with the character of His Son. 

Sound a bit crazy?  Perhaps.  I can tell you though friend, it is where true freedom is found, as we are emptied of ourselves and filled with the love and power of the Holy Spirit.    

Want to be freed from those addictive behaviors/thought patterns?  Desire to experience health in your relationships and interactions with others?   Tired of being co-dependent? Controlling? Afraid?

Then let Jesus break you.  You will not regret it, but know it will be a long/trying/exhausting journey.  Don’t give up.  Satan will throw different distractions/confusions/lies at you to keep you from moving forward, but he cannot keep you stuck in despair.  Keep abandoning yourself and relying on the Lord Jesus, He will push you forward!

Precious Jesus, would you empty us of ourselves and fill us with You.  We want to be free.  We are tired of being controlled by the things of this life and the brokenness of our hearts.  Jesus, save us from ourselves!  Break us and make us whole.  We need you.  We trust you.  We give ourselves to You.  Come Holy Spirit, to the glory of God, come! 

Raise that Flag!

“We raise our white flags, we surrender all to you." Chris Tomlin

The ladies and I have been studying the life of Joseph for our women’s small group (join here).  Wow, there is so much we can glean from Joseph’s story.  I am struck by the overwhelming theme of preparation throughout this story.  God had to prepare Joseph for His destiny and He has to do the same with us.  This time of preparation was not an easy one; it was difficult, trying and I’m sure just plain confusing at times for Joseph.  Why so hard?  Well, I believe, because the “old self” (our controlling sinful nature) don’t just disappear in an instant! 

I heard it said once that, God is more concerned about the journey than He is the destination.  It is on the journey that we learn who God is, who we are, and just how much we need Him.  And somehow, some way when we learn to really walk with Jesus on this journey we find joy, hope, and peace that we have yet known.  Friends, we really can courageous unexplainable lives, which can only be explained with one word--GOD.  Ladies and gentlemen, our God is calling us to a deeper faith, a deeper surrender.  He’s on the move and it is preparation time.  I’m raising my white flag, how about you?   

The State of My Health Address

I thought this might be a good time to give an update on my health situation and the things I’m learning from my journey. 

As I wrote about in my last blog I finally found out I have a problem with my thyroid and adrenal glands, which is causing some of my fatigue, cold hands, excessive thirst, infertility, etc..  I have been going to a holistic Doctor of Chiropractic Medicine to be treated for both of these issues.  Why this kind of treatment?  Well, every blood test I took for my thyroid and adrenal gland always came back fine.  I tried to get into an endocrinologist a few months ago but the doctor would not see me until I had a blood test that came back positive.  In retrospect I’m very thankful for this because I would much rather try to tackle something more holistically if I can. 

To start things off she had me do a 21-day cleanse, which actually turned into a 36 day cleanse (that’s what I get for not following directions and it just took my body longer to get rid of the bad!).  The cleanse was basically to help cleanse my liver of the toxins I’ve gathered over the years from certain medications, foods, metals and such.  On the cleanse I took a few supplements, ate two yummy :/ shakes a day and ate a strict gluten free, no sugar, no dairy, no nuts, no beans diet.  I know, you’re wondering what I ate and are cringing at the thought but I really enjoyed it and I honestly did not feel deprived at all!  My doctor has actually advised me to continue to eat clean in order to help my body heal itself naturally.  So, I’ve decided to continue eating a clean diet (I just recently added raw dairy to the mix).   

Here’s the crazy thing; I had no idea just how much I needed this cleanse.  I had quite the time on the cleanse.  Needless to say I felt awful.  Why?  Because my body needed to get rid of the toxins!  And after it finally did, I started feeling better. 

You know, if you looked at me from the outside would you guess I would need a cleanse?  Would you guess I’d be the type of person to have a pacemaker?  I appear to be healthy and in good shape.  You see friends; this is what God has been teaching me throughout this process.  Looks can be deceiving.  Families can appear healthy and as though they have it all together, people can appear as though they are happy and content.  Appear is the key word here.  I appear to be healthy--but I’m not.  Some people/families appear to be healthy, but they are not. You could even say something teachings in the church appear to be biblical, but they are not. 

I don’t want to be the type of person whose pride gets in the way of living a real, raw, authentic life.  You see, I’m a broken person being made new by the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ.  I don’t have it all together.  I used to think I had to appear as such, but God has shown me otherwise.  Freedom is found in authenticity.  Living as though we appear to be strong, that’s pride and that’s sin and there’s no freedom in that, trust me I’ve been there I know how burdensome it is. 

Here’s the other thing I’ve learned.  Sometimes, in order to get to a healthier state, physically, spiritually, or emotionally things may get worse before they get better.  Ever experienced that in your life?  My cleanse made me actually feel worse in different ways.  I sometimes wondered why I was doing this and if it actually made any difference.  Sometimes God takes us on these journeys where we may experience some type of suffering (look at Joseph’s life).   There’s something so awesome and unique about God because it’s in these times that redemption comes, IF we would surrender to Him and trust Him for the timing.  Timing, that’s the tough part, trusting in His timing.

Jesus came to put broken people back together (far better than we could ever do!).  Is. 61:1b “He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,”  I want to become more like Jesus but this means my old self has to die.  This is NOT an easy, pain free process, BUT the outcome is well worth it.  I wonder if you’ve been broken before the Lord?  I know God is breaking me (Follow this link to hear me share how God is in the process of breaking me https://vimeo.com/51186239 ). 

I would greatly appreciate your continued prayers throughout this healing process.  I know it’s going to be a long journey, but I really think I've made a step in the right direction.  Praise God!  I haven’t been well for a while and I’m looking forward to being well again!  Blessings to you all!