I never would have expected the journey God has taken me
on over the past three years concerning my health, my mind, my walk with Him, and
really so many other things—some of which are personal and quite dear to my
heart (you don’t need to know all of my business anyways;)). Following Jesus over the past three years has
not been easy, it’s been hard. It’s been
a choice in so many ways for me, not a feeling, but a choice to trust and
believe God even when I may not understand it.
Especially in the moments where I wanted to serve Him more, but I
couldn’t because physically I wasn’t able.
What a much-needed humbling experience this has been for me. I can’t even begin to express to you all God
has done in me through this. And now, by
the grace of God, I believe He has brought me to a much better place of
acceptance and praise, with the understanding He is good, Sovereign and has a
plan that reaches beyond anything I can seeJ. My
faith is becoming something I know personally, and not just something I read about
it.
On this journey, I’ve experienced ups and downs, but
through it all Christ has remained constant.
In the moments where I have just wanted to throw in the towel, I hear
the sweet whisper of the Holy Spirit calling me to keep moving forward. Yes, I’ve experienced a level of suffering and
surrender I have not known until now, but for the sake of Christ, know it has been
redemptive! That’s why I want to share
this blog with you, because I believe God has allowed me to suffer for His
glory--and my own freedom. He has allowed some things to be removed
from me, some for a time, others maybe forever, and, oh yeah; He has allowed me
to experience the consequences of my own sin.
Can I tell you, it is hard, so hard, because I’m realizing just how
broken I am. I have never in my life
realized just how much I need Jesus.
Here’s the great thing about God though, because in my
brokenness I have realized just how sufficient Christ Jesus is. Jesus is enough. Though I’ve been stripped of things, some of
which are very good things; I have come to a place where I can say, Jesus is
enough and He is really what my heart is crying out for. He is
beyond sufficient to meet my needs. I’ve
found in the quiet moments with God what I really want is more of Him. Isn’t this the journey God desires to take us
on? A journey were we are so fed up with
our trips to the pit we dig for ourselves that we say—Jesus, make me well, I
just want You. Like the man who had been sick for 38 years
whom Jesus asked if he wanted to be well?
Isn’t it odd Jesus asks this man if he wants to be well? I wonder if we really want to be well or if
we want our way, our self-sufficiency and in essence our sickness. Maybe we’d like to think we can have
both. I know my actions have shown the
latter.
Beloved, God is so patient and kind. He can restore anything and anyone who would
turn to Him for healing. Let go of the
resentment, stop fighting for answers and fall at the feet of Jesus, confessing
your own unbelief. He really is
enough! Seek Him like never before and
you will not be disappointed! He has a
plan for your life and it is good. You
can stay in your bondage or you can trust that God will set you free through
your own pain and suffering. “I consider that our present sufferings are
not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” (Romans
8:18) Friends, as believers in Christ,
we have this hope. Our struggle is
actually an avenue to our freedom in Christ. I’m choosing to trust God with my pain knowing
He is using it to free me and bring me into fuller intimacy with His Son. How about you?