A New Heart # 3

I’m 28 years young and in those 28 years God has been so gracious to give me three new hearts so that I can be alive.  Thank you Father.  I praise God for His grace offered to me, and that He is not through with me yet here on this earth.  I’m alive because He has plans for me. 

My first new heart came when I was just 11 years old.  This was when I had open-heart surgery.  I had a leaky valve which caused my heart to enlarge to three times its normal size and my electrical system was off which made my heart beat too fast.  So the doctors, by the grace of God, worked their magic and I was able to live. 

My third heart (don’t worry I’ll go back to the second) came last week.  This time my heart was beating too slow, my resting heart rate was a 45 and my blood pressure was also low.  My heart wasn’t responding like it should which caused me some strong bouts with fatigue, shortness of breath, and dizziness.  Once again, by the grace of God, the doctors worked their magic.  I was given a pacemaker.  The pacemaker makes it so my heart beat will never drop under 60 and it now responds to physiological stress like it should. 

My second heart, the one I want to focus on, came though when I was 15 years old.  You see if I wouldn’t have gotten this heart the other two really wouldn’t matter at all.  This heart is the most important heart because it offers me true lasting life.  This heart is a different type of heart, not a physical heart, but a spiritual one.  At the age of 15 years old I confessed Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.  I made a commitment to follow Him and the purpose He created me for.  Jesus came into my heart and regenerated it to new life (2 Cor. 5:17).

The other two were wonderful blessing from God because they have given me the opportunity to live longer and serve Him on this earth.  But if for some reason, the Lord chose to take me to be with Him, my “heart” would be secure because as we read in Rom 10:13 “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord He will be saved.”  My security is found in Jesus Christ for all of eternity.  If I die, I’ll be with Jesus.  What about you?  Is your heart secure?  It can be.  Call out to Him. 

Ez. 11:19 says “I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.” 

Pacemaker: The Experience

I’m thankful this surgery was nothing like my first surgery when I had open-heart.  I was there for about 24 hours and then released.  I was actually a little surprised they let me go home that day, but very thankful because I was getting a little impatient. J  

You know I really felt like God was trying to teach me a few things during my time there now that I have the time to sit back and reflect.  What I learned was just because things do not go smoothly does not mean God is not with me and guiding the process.  Let me explain.  I got there on Monday around 1pm, they did some preliminary things.  One of the first, we will call them, bumps in the road came while I was getting my blood drawn.  The nurse accidently bumped the syringe (ouch!).  We then move onto my prep room where the next nurse tries to put an IV in my right arm.  For some reason this was one of the most painful IV’s I’ve had put in.  Well if you stay with me, you’ll find out why. 

I get into the surgical room and really I just want to be put under so I don’t have to sit there and watch them put all these wires on me and paint me with orange stuff.  After about 10 minutes the lady says, okay, and she puts a little water in the IV to test it.  All of the sudden, pain starts filling my arm.  I say to the anesthesiologist lady, “That hurts, is it supposed to hurt that much.”  She then proceeds to look at my arm to see that where the IV is in my arm is beginning to bubble.  Bubble!  Why might you ask?  Because my earlier nurse lady did not get the IV inside the vein but only under the skin.  Good times.  Hence, the pain.  So then anesthesiologist lady takes out the IV and she says, “Oh my, that’s just squirting out blood.”  Now it wasn’t that bad, but it did bleed through the cotton ball pretty quickly.  So they call in a nurse to put a new IV.  They turn to my left arm, which is full of little small veins!  She finds one, puts it in, but unfortunately there was some kind of block, it won’t work.  So then, no kidding, the head director of nursing lady comes in and finds a vein in my left hand.  Oye, finally, 20 minutes later  I go to sleep!

Oh, but the fun has really only just begun!  After my surgery they bring me some dinner.  I start eating and begin to fill sick, but I try to keep eating because I know I need some nourishment.  Eventually I get to the point where I’m so nauseous I just have to lay down.  Because of feeling nauseous I really did not eat or drink much before I went to bed.  This is important to remember for what happens next. 

So throughout the night they had to wake me up about three times to check my vitals and all that fun stuff.  So needless to say I was quite exhausted. The third time they woke me up was to go and get an X-ray at 6am.  The nurse pushes me in my fancy state-of-the art wheelchair (Okay, maybe not) to the X-ray place.  I stand up for my X-ray and all of the sudden I start to feel very sick.  I say to the tech, “I feel like I’m going to get sick.”  So she has me sit down in the wheelchair.  Next thing I remember is her snapping her fingers at me.  Why?  Because I passed out.  Opps.  Come to find out I was dehydrated.  So I got some breakfast in me and they pumped me full of fluids.  They told me I might not get to go home because of this so I put on a good show.  I walked out to the nurses station a couple of times (my first time around I told them I came to do a song and dance for them and then my second time around I made sure to wave and smile at my nurse) and they decided to let me go home!  Hey, God didn’t give me such charm for nothing. J

Sure we had some bumps in the road.  But isn’t this life?   You see friends, God was with me, He was in charge.  At times I think we are tempted to believe that if things do not go well then God was not with us or He must not love us.  Oh friends, what a lie this is!  Just because we are following Jesus, this does not mean we will never suffer in this life.  Things will never go perfectly (Read about the life of Joseph and Job).  We must remember and even be intentional about looking for how God is moving in our imperfect lives that are filled with “bumps in the road.”  He is working and He loves us so very much.  I was blessed in so many ways during my time at the hospital with wonderful visitors and some very competent/compassionate nurses.   The way things worked out so quickly with the heart doctors was truly God.  Not to mention all of the people who told me they were praying for me, it truly made my heart feel good inside.  And you know what;  I’m okay, I’m still in one piece and I’m healing, I’m getting better. 

As I pray and reflect on my experience and am even tempted to believe lies about who God is in my life, I am constantly reminded of Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” 

Thank you Father for being with me throughout this whole process.  I look forward with great expectation and hope for the healing I will experience in body, heart, mind and soul.  My hope is that throughout all of this You were and will continue to be glorified. 

Pacemaker: My Soon to be Companion

So yesterday I got some interesting news.  I am slowly becoming the next bionic woman.  Who knows soon enough I might even make Terminator status!  No but really, I have to have a pacemaker put in on Monday.  I wasn’t really expecting this, but I know that I need something, because something is not right with me.  I’ve known something hasn’t been right for quite a while now, but you know it’s always easier to avoid things and try to figure them out on our own.  Because when we avoid things it means they aren’t really as bad as they seem, at least for me it seems that way. 

I’ve been struggling with bouts of fatigue and dizziness for the past year and a half now.  I haven’t been able to run for the past 6 months and even walking becomes a chore at times because I will get so fatigued.  I recently passed out and hit my head pretty hard and had to go to the ER about a month and a half ago.  This is what began my trips to the doctor’s office and my visit to the cardiologist.  Who then sent me to a specialist who deals with the electrical part of the heart.  I’ve had some issues with this in the past (i.e. open heart surgery) so my cardiologist thought it’d be a good idea to see a specialist.  Me though, being the stubborn little gal that I am, didn’t want to see a specialist, but after talking about it with others I decided it would be a good thing. 

Long story short, I come to find out that I have a very slow heart rate and low blood pressure.  This causes me to faint and get dizzy.  Yep, something’s not right; it’s time to do something about it.  I’d like to think that no I’m fine and I don’t need this surgery, but I’m afraid that’s just not an option (that’s my controlling side coming out though).  Deep down I know that I am safe in His hands.  I’ve asked God to guide this process of healing so ultimately I’m putting my trust in Him to grant Michael and I discernment throughout.  It all seems like it’s happening so fast.  In some ways this is a bit disconcerting but I’m also grateful because I know the sooner it gets done the better I will start to feel.  So as I think about the outcome I am thankful and even a bit excited because I just want to be well.  The good thing is is that the surgery only takes 22 minutes (seems pretty amazing if you ask me!) and I will only be staying overnight. 

We would greatly appreciate your prayers throughout this process.  Please pray for my husband, my family, and for me.  It’s going to be difficult knowing that I can’t really fully coach softball for the two weeks after the surgery.  This makes me sad.   I know having a pacemaker is going to pretty much change my life, so pray for me as I learn to adjust and accept knowing that this is a good thing.  

As I pray and think, I am constantly reminded of Jer. 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  By the power of Christ in me I will walk by faith and not by sight, trusting in His constant love and care for me. 

My surgery to put in the pacemaker is scheduled for Monday at 3pm at St. John’s hospital in Springfield. 

Regaining Focus

4-11-12

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Cor. 4:18

The Daniel Fast has come to a close.  We broke out fast on Sunday and I actually felt a little sad!  I was really enjoying the fast.  Not only was I enjoying the food, because of how it made me feel better, but I loved how I felt like my life wasn’t so distracted, but perhaps I bit more balanced.  Michael and I also agreed that for us, during the fast, we just felt loved and valued by God. 

I remember talking to a friend on Sunday and telling them that I wished it wasn’t over.  They said, "it doesn’t have to be!"  You know what, they are right.  I got to thinking about it and I really want to incorporate some of the different things I learned from the fast.  I wrote on an earlier blog post about how I found myself using food.  Well, I am now trying to be more aware of that, I have found that it has really helped calm my anxieties at times by not trying to find satisfaction in food.  This lesson, I want to hold onto and take with me.  I also learned that getting away from distractions is so beneficial to our life in Christ.  I was praying about the fast I was doing from TV, and have felt the Lord calling me to extend this fast.  So I am and I’ll break it when the Lord says it’s time.  He's got more work to do in me.   

I cannot even begin to express to you how beneficial fasting truly is.  We all need times where we can get away, and regain focus.  Life is busy and it’s just plain messy at times.  The longer we go without taking times for rest, the more our hearts are in need of renewal.  I praise God, because in ways I have felt renewed. I have also seen God begin to answer some prayers we prayed during this fast.  Fasting is a good thing, no a great thing, because when God calls us to fast He always meets us and empties us so that we may be filled with more of His Love.   

So my encouragement to you today is to seek the Lord in prayer and fasting.  Ask Him how He might lead you in fasting.  Perhaps it’s a food fast or maybe it’s a TV, Facebook, coffee, internet, shopping, video game fast.  God knows what you need and He also knows what you need to take a break from so you can better focus on Him, your family, and the mission He has for you in this life. 

This is my prayer for us all: Gracious Father, fix our eyes on You, not on temporal, earthly things that do not matter, but on You and the mission You have for us.  Empty our hearts of the vain, temporal, insignificant things and fill us to the fullness of Christ.  Remove from us our divided hearts of stone and grant us undivided hearts of flesh, that we may be fully devoted to you in singleness of heart and action.  Yes Lord, we are Yours, grant us Your vision.  Amen. 

Rollarcoaster...of Life

4-1-12

“Be still, and know that I am God…” Ps. 46:10a

Wow, it’s hard to believe we have entered into week three of our Daniel Fast.  Only five more days to go!  As I march on, I’m still struck with the theme of choosing life and what it means for me on a daily basis. 

Michael and I had kind of a challenging week in different ways.  Some things have come across our path that could cause us to worry.  I say could, because we have a choice to make.  Will we believe in the Word, or live out of our emotions and circumstances?  By the grace and mercy of God, we are choosing to live a new way.  Choosing to trust God.  Choosing to believe in His goodness for us, regardless of the outcome of our present circumstances. 

Life is really a rollercoaster at times, isn’t it?  We have our ups and our downs.  I am so thankful I have Jesus Christ in my life.  I don’t know what the future holds, but I know who holds it.  As I have been able to slowly put aside some of the distractions in my life, it is amazing to me how much better I have felt.  I know I have shared on my blog about feeling out of balance.  Though my body still physically feels out of balance at times, and I still have moments where my emotions get the best of me, my spirit feels much freer.  It’s an inner peace that we are going to be okay and that God will and is with us through it all. 

 

I have learned it’s a peace that comes from walking with Jesus and cleaving to His Word.  I long for the Word of God to truly overtake every part of me and change the way I think, feel, and act.  I think, by the grace of God, it is and I look forward with great expectation for the continual changes God will make in me as I meditate on and get more and more of His Word in my heart.  I know we’ve got a ways to go, but I thank God for how far we’ve come and for His patient love in my life.  It’s truly, ALL because of Him.  The more I get to know Him and His Word, the more I learn how gracious and patient He is with me, even when I mess up. 

 I told a friend once that our knowledge of God must move from our heads, into our hearts, where it can then grow deep roots of faith and belief which push us to action and obedience.  I think this is the journey I have been on and will continue to be on for the rest of my life.  His Word is becoming more and more real in my life.  I wonder if it is in yours?  It can, but friends it takes work.  It takes diligence. Most importantly though it means surrendering to Father who loves you so dearly and allowing Him to do this work in you.  Before Jesus went to the cross He promised to send us His Holy Spirit who would be our Helper.  The Holy Spirit is given to all believers in Jesus Christ to help them choose life, and live as an overcomer.  Ask God to empty you and fill you with more of His Holy Spirit.  Surrender all to Him and watch the amazing work He will do in your life.  Put aside distractions and start digging into the Word like never before.  You will not regret it.